Why do I feel so hideous?

Okay, explain this to me. I’m 13 weeks pregnant today. Just a drop in the pan, in the grand scheme of pregnancy. In fact, if anything, I should start to feel pretty marvelous here soon, right? Everyone always says that the second trimester is when you feel your best.

So why do I feel so freakin’ awful right now? If I stand up too long (and “too long” is anything over about five minutes anymore), I start to feel faint and dizzy. The other day I literally had to put my head between my legs to keep from passing out. I have aches and pains in places I forgot could have aches and pains. Sleeping is getting near impossible at night as there is no position that is even remotely comfortable and half the time I have some appendage that is falling asleep, no matter what I do with it. Half the time I’m starving to death and the other half the time I’m repulsed by the very notion of food. My head throbs at various times of the day, mostly when I’m trying to use it. I’m distracted and sleepy and I’m never as happy as I am when I’m asleep. Waking up feels like ripping off my toenails one by one. Standing up after waking up feels even worse.

What the HECK? I’m not supposed to feel this way yet am I? I mean, the belly is barely a pooch right now. I can hardly notice it, much less anyone else. These are third trimester “The baby is due any minute now” type complaints. What I want to know is this: If I feel this way now, how am I going to feel in MARCH?

I’m scared, ya’ll.