Because it's not Friday yet

I shamelessly stole this from Randi because a) it’s 3:20 and I haven’t posted yet and b) I don’t have anything I particularly want to post about except mindless blatherings and I’d really rather save that for Friday and c) it’s a clever meme and I’ve never been known to resist clever memes. 

Da Rules
1.Go to http://www.photobucket.com (don’t sign in).
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box.
3. Copy the html and paste for the answer.

1. What is your relationship status?

married Pictures, Images and Photos

2. What is your favorite color?

pink Pictures, Images and Photos

3. Who is your celebrity crush?

Robert Pattinson Pictures, Images and Photos

4. What will you be doing tomorrow?

macbook Pictures, Images and Photos

!!!!

5. What is your favorite Disney princess?

belle Pictures, Images and Photos

6. What would you splurge on if you won the lottery?

Canon Pictures, Images and Photos

7. What was the last thing you bought?

goodmama Pictures, Images and Photos 

8. Where is your dream vacation?

New Zealand Pictures, Images and Photos

9. What cell phone do you have?

iphone alyssa Pictures, Images and Photos

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?

 

11. What do you love most in life?

family Pictures, Images and Photos 

12. What is your favorite food?

Lobster, PEI Pictures, Images and Photos

13. What is your least favorite food?

Mushrooms Pictures, Images and Photos 

14. What is your favorite dessert?

Cherry Pie Pictures, Images and Photos 

15. What is your biggest fear?

FEAR ITSELF Pictures, Images and Photos

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What I am not

I am not domestically inclined.  I hate doing housework, I’m not a very inventive cook and I couldn’t organize to save my life.  My home reflects this about me.  I would like a clean house, dinner on the table and a more organized lifestyle but I am at a loss as how to achieve that. I am a huge housewife FAIL. 

I’m not “one of those” moms.  I don’t volunteer at my son’s school, drive carpools, attend a plethora of playdates or throw fantastic birthday parties.  All of that stuff is way, way, WAY outside my comfort zone.  And I worry that this is going to negatively impact my children.  Socially.  I already see it with Harry and it makes me feel guilty like you would not believe. 

I’m not beautiful.  There are a lot of things about myself that think are downright unattractive.  Whenever I get my hair cut or dyed, buy new clothes or shoes or purchase and wear makeup, that is just me trying to make myself bearable to myself. 

I’m not socially talented.  This swings both ways.  While I’m not very good at putting myself out there, it also means that I don’t employ a lot of “tactics” that I think a lot of women just assume that other women use.  I don’t hang around people I don’t enjoy, so please don’t think me the sort to be manipulative or schemey.  What you see is pretty much what you get. 

By the same token, I don’t pick up “hints” very well.  Because, as I said, I’m not socially talented.  I virtually always need someone to come right out and say something if they want me to do something.  Because chances are, I’m not going to come up with it on my own.  I wish I could, but my brain just doesn’t work that way.  

I’m not at all outgoing.  This means I don’t call anyone on the phone (and when I say anyone I mean ANYONE) (I call my mom and I call Kile and THAT’S ABOUT IT).  I don’t approach people out in public.  I don’t stick my nose out in pretty much any social situation.  I’m painfully shy and bad social experiences seem to only reinforce this backward behavior. 

I’m not the sort that shows her feelings all the time.  I generally try to put for a very calm personna and it works pretty well.  It’s a coping mechanism.  But I do experience hurt and sadness.  Depression and anger.  If you knew me several years back, after we lost Jackson, and thought, “Wow, she is so strong!  I don’t know how she does it!” just know that behind the scenes, I was a complete and utter waste of a person.  I still am in many regards. 

I’m aware that there are some of you who don’t like to read posts like this.  I’m sorry.  I’m just in a mood today.  It’s been a rough day around here.   And these are all things that I think and that I know about myself.  It’s not opinion, it is fact.  It’s not very happy or pretty, but it is fact. 

This one is for Cagey

So in the comments on yesterday’s uber-whiner post, Cagey said she hated posts like that (and so did Michelle, for the record), where I beat myself up (but I’m such an easy target!).  So in an effort to balance everything out nicely, I thought I’d do a post wherein I detail everything that is Totally Awesome about yours truly.   Because while I still believe that in some, way, shape or form that I am a la-hoo-ser, I do recognize that I have some good traits.  Somewhere.  Maybe there in the corner under that layer.  Ahem.  Here goes!

  • I have some really cute kids.  As evidenced by the MONDO picture we picked up yesterday from Sears.  Seriously, ya’ll, it’s adorable.  And you should check out my full review of Sears Portrait Studio while you’re at it. Our Beautiful Kids 
  • I have a fondness for writing that makes up for it’s lack of talent with an excess of enthusiasm.  I may never be a literary genius, but maybe someday I’ll get published.  That’d be awesome. 
  • I love animals.  I always have.  When I was little, before the days of Animal Planet, I used to love to watch those wild animal safari type shows on PBS.  I’ve always loved having pets too.  For a long time, I was a big cat person, but thanks to Tiger, we’re taking a bit of a cat-break right now.  We have our hands full with the dogs now anyhow. 
  • I like to think that I have a decent sense of humor.  This might not be the funniest blog out there and I’m in no way implying that it is.  But I do know funny when I hear (or see) it.  My dad used to always say I had such a great sense of humor.  I love to laugh.  I love to surround myself with funny people. 
  • I love Christmas.  There, I said it.  I know it’s sorta fashionalble anymore to be something of a Scrooge, but I can’t help it.  Tis the Season to be Jolly.  I don’t love the stress associated with the holidays but I absolutely ADORE the wonder.  And I love sharing that wonder with my kids. 
  • In a related vein, I love cold weather.  I love snow and rain and clouds.  I don’t love wind (but then, after living in Nevada you realize it doesn’t need to be cold to be windy).  I can’t wait until this mild weather is gone and we get some real good snow storms.  
  • I’m loyal.  I’m not the sort to ditch out on someone when a “better offer” comes along.  Once I’m a friend with someone, it takes quiet a bit to shake that.  I give my friends the benefit of the doubt in iffy situations.  This has, in the recent past, led to me getting walked over, but I think it’s an important trait to have.  Because if you can’t count on your friends to back you up in times of need, then who can you count on? 
  • I have awesome taste in music and movies.  If I do say so myself.  And I do.  Cuz this is my blog.  And I’m not talking about artsy-fartsy, alternative taste.  Yes, there are some awesome indy movies out there and some fabulous unknown musicians out there.  But I tend towards the mainstream and I love popular movies and music.  It’s the great equalizer.  And look at it this way, I’ll never make you feel bad for loving “Armageddon” (cuz I do too) (but I will hold “The Fast and the Furious” against you because that movie and all it’s spawn are CRAP).  

There you go.  Some of the things that make me awesome.  Don’t you want to be my friend now?

Doris, Schmoris

I don’t know how much stock I put in such things and some of the results don’t QUITE hit home… but for the most part I think a lot of this is true.  Except where it says I like people.  I’m pretty sure that’s not right.  Have you SEEN me at Walmart?  That place is a prescription for homicidal rage, it is.  (If you want to take this quiz too, check the link at the bottom.  Yeah, you gotta read ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT.  No cheating!)

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz…

You Are a Doris!

mm.doris_.jpg

You are a Doris — “I must help others.”

Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people’s needs.

How to Get Along with Me

  • * Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
  • * Share fun times with me.
  • * Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
  • * Let me know that I am important and special to you.
  • * Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

  • * Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
  • * Reassure me often that you love me.
  • * Tell me I’m attractive and that you’re glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Doris

  • * being able to relate easily to people and to make friends (the “make friends” part used to be truer than it is these days.  Alas.)
  • * knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
  • * being generous, caring, and warm
  • * being sensitive to and perceptive about others’ feelings
  • * being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What’s Hard About Being a Doris

  • * not being able to say no
  • * having low self-esteem
  • * feeling drained from overdoing for others
  • * not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish (or of being TOLD I’m selfish.  AHEM.)
  • * criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
  • * being upset that others don’t tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
  • * working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Dorises as Children Often

  • * are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
  • * try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
  • * are outwardly compliant (LOL!  I had to laugh at the “outwardly” part.  So true.)
  • * are popular or try to be popular with other children (emphasis on the “try” part.  Not entirely successful.)
  • * act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention (yeah…. no.)
  • * are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Dorises), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Dorises) (yeah, DEFINITELY introverted)

Dorises as Parents

  • * are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren’t)
  • * are often playful with their children (does this include teasing them mercilessly?)
  • * wonder: “Am I doing it right?” “Am I giving enough?” “Have I caused irreparable damage?” (I’m guessing that merciless teasing falls under the “causing irreprable damage” part.  Oops.)
  • * can become fiercely protective  (I have my doubts about the three above results but this one is spot on)

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

The Alphabet of Me

I saw Cagey do this meme the other day and knew I had to snag it for myself.  I also knew I was going to feel like a warmed-over pile of poop today, recovering from our trip to Elko and such.  So having a comfy meme to slip on and cozy up to is just what the doctor ordered.  You might not learn anything new about me.  But then again, maybe you will.  If you wanna do it, just snag it for your own self and let me know in the comments so I can come peep at your answers.

A is for age: I’ll be turning 33 in exactly a month.  I think I’m at the point now where it’s all just OLD.  I’m OLD, ya’ll.  OLD.  Sometimes I wonder where my 20’s went.  And then I look at my nine year old (!!) and go, “Oh yeah.”

B is for burger of choice: In ‘n Out Burger.  Hands down.  Easy choice.  There are a lot of burgers I like, though.  I’m an equal opportunity burger-lover.  It’s just that In ‘n Out’s is the absolute best bang for the buck.

C is for the car I drive: A 2003 tan metallic Dodge Grand Caravan.  It’s paid off, you know.  That makes us both insanely happy.  Maybe in a year we’ll get a new vehicle but right now, we’re happy with the van.  And it still blows my mind that I actually NEED a van now.  We have actually had to tell people we don’t have room for them in our van because of all the kids.  BLOWS MY MIND.

D is for your dog’s name: Beetoe.  Short for “Mistletoe”.  Harry couldn’t pronounce Mistletoe when he was little so Beetoe it is.  Then there’s Holly.  Formerly known as Poptart.  And commonly known as Pup.  Yeah.  All our pets have nicknames.  Someday I’ll have to tell you all more about the cat we named Cheyenne but called Stinky.

E is for essential item you use every day: Yeah, that’s gotta be my iPhone.  I have an all new appreciation for it after this last weekend.  There are just so many ways in which that little gadget makes my life better.  Seriously!  I know, a lot of people poo-poo the cost of the data plan… whatever.  IT’S WORTH IT.  Let me repeat that: IT IS WORTH IT.  I would marry the damned thing if I could.

F is for favorite TV show at the moment: I’ll have to go with “Fringe” for now, even though not a week goes by that it doesn’t freak me the heck out.  I cringe every episode at least once.  Other than that, I would have to say “How I Met Your Mother”.

G is for favorite game: Gah.  I would have said “Halo” once upon a time but I haven’t been playing a lot of video games.  I have been playing an embarassing amount of “Make Me A Celebrity” on Facebook, though I’m starting to lose interest.

H is for home state: California.  I know, I know.  Heh.  It’s a nice place, don’t get me wrong.  But too warm and mild and crowded and expensive for my tastes.  Nevada isn’t much better (waaaaay too warm) (and brown) (and Republican), but it’s a step in the right direction.

I is for instruments you play: Yeah…. no.

J is for favorite juice: Oh dear, I have to pick a FAVORITE?  So hard!  I love grapefruit juice.  Love it!  I also have a serious fondness for Simply Apple (even though I generally don’t enjoy apple juice).  But to be honest, I love pretty much all juice.  I’m a juice fiend.

K is for whose bum you’d like to kick: Hmm, where’s my list?

L is for last restaurant at which you ate: I take it you don’t mean fast food (McDonald’s, FYI).  Let me think…  I guess it’d have to be Chili’s.  I know, not terribly exciting.

M is for your favorite Muppet: I used to love watching The Muppet Show.  I think Kermit had to be my favorite because he was a) the star and b) humble.  And he was also on Sesame Street, which I watched.  So he was the first “super star” I really knew.  I can remember listening to “Rainbow Connection” over and over and over.

N is for number of piercings: Two.  I tried on many occasions to get my ears double pierced but they kept healing back up again and getting infected and bleh.  I finally just gave up.  I think I still have the double holes though because I just remembered that I was able to get earrings in them last year.  Huh.  I’ll have to go check.

O is for overnight hospital stays: Let’s see.  FOURTEEN.  GAH.  Yeah, I’ve had four c-sections.  Some of them I stayed four nights, some I stayed three.  FOURTEEN.  OMG.

P is for people you were with today: Hmm.  Today has barely started yet.  So just Kile, Harry, Liam and Evie.  And the dogs.  But they don’t count.

Q is for what you do with your quiet time: Read blogs, write, read.  I might watch a movie.  A lot of times, I just sit in the quiet and read a magazine or read blogs on my iPhone.  Sometimes the quiet is very relaxing.  And if I feel so inclined, I might take a nap.

R is for biggest regret: It’s hard to have regrets when you’re content with your life as it is.  Because all the mistakes helped bring you to where you are today.  I do regret the way I treated the guy I went to the prom with.  And I do regret getting myself into credit card debt in my first couple years of college.

S is for status: Just ate breakfast, Kile’s getting ready to leave and so is Harry… The day is getting started and I’m getting my wits about me.  I have a quite a bit of laundry to do today.

T is for time you woke up today: I’m not sure since I no longer possess a working watch and I don’t have a clock on my side of the bed and I didn’t have my iPhone upstairs with me.  But I think it was 7:30.

U is for what you consider unique about yourself:  I’ve sat here for a loooong time trying to think of what is unique about me and I have come up blank.  Maybe what is unique about me is that there is nothing unique about me.  Wow, that’ll freak you out if you think about it too hard.

V is for vegetable you love: Broccoli is probably my favorite.  I love it made just about any way you can think of.  I also like asparagus in limited quantities.  Corn is nice too though I sometimes don’t care to eat it off the cob.  (Too messy!)

W is for worst habit: I’ll give you a hint: it’s in the title of this blog.  I think I’m too lazy a lot of the time.  so that one thing stems out to a lot of other things, like housecleaning and such.

X is for x-rays you’ve had: Besides dental x-rays, I’ve had x-rays of my broken ankle.  And let me just say that getting a broken ankle x-rayed when they don’t really believe you’ve broken it is akin to torture.  Of course, afterward when they had proof I’d broken it they were a lot nicer to me so there was that.

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Again, today just barely started.  So all I’ve had is a bowl of bran flakes with some sugar sprinkled on top.  Wee!  *sigh*

Z is for zodiac: Sagittarius.  Woot woot!

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In other news, I’ve reviewed some super nifty, sorta spendy and completely awesome Christmas cards over on my review blog.  Go have a look, will ya?

Because she told me to

Hey, I was actually tagged for something!  Of course, seeing as how I only recently complained that I was never tagged for anything, I’m starting to wonder if it was a “pity tag”.  But whatever.  I’ll take it.

It’s a “6 Things Meme” and I don’t even know if I’ve done this one before.  I know just about everyone and their dog has already done this on their blog, but whatever.  I don’t care.  I’m doing it anyway.  Because I was tagged, that’s why.  And because I need to post something. (Just being honest, yo.)

The Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged. Dude, we all know I’m not going to do this.  So let’s just pretend there are only three rules, kay?

1.  I like mayonnaise.  In fact, on a hot dog, I would rather have mayo on it than ketchup (though admittedly I usually only put on mustard).  This is an unspectacular quirk because I’ve noticed that more and more people are decidedly anti-mayo these days.  And I’m not one of them.  I love mah mayo.

2. I prefer pie to cake.  VASTLY.  Not that I haven’t been known to enjoy a cake or two in my time, but if given the choice I will ALWAYS pick pie.  Cherry pie is my favorite.  In fact, when it comes to deserts, I very often will choose something fruity over something chocolate.  And if it’s got chocolate and fruit together?  SCORE.

3. If I had to pick a favorite chore, I would have to say laundry.  I would rather do laundry than just about another household duty.  This includes doing my 8 year old’s NAAAAASTY laundry (and that’s saying something).  I even don’t mind putting stuff away (though I often don’t put Kile’s clothes away because I never know where he wants them to go).  Sadly, laundry is a time-intensive task and I often don’t have the opportunity to get it done as much as I would like.  Plus, you’d think this would mean my laundry room wouldn’t look like a clothes-bomb went off in it.  You would be wrong.

4. I love to watch “Touched by an Angel.”  I may have mentioned this before.  I used to watch it all the time back when I was pregnant with Jackson and now that we have the Hallmark Channel again, I DVR it and watch it every day again.  I love it.  Sure, it’s a little cheesy.  But it’s also like a warm blanket or a soft robe or a mug of hot chocolate.  Comforting.  I used to also love watching “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” but haven’t been able to find it on any channel in a long time.

5. I am incredibly intolerant of the heat.  How it was that I grew up in California and have lived in Nevada for 14 years without melting into a freakin’ puddle is beyond my grasp.  I’ve long been drawn to colder climates and places that have milder summers and how I’ve gotten to be 32 without living in a cooler location just blows my mind.  I just can’t stand being hot. I want more cool.  IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

6. I’ve become something of a hermit in recent years.  I vastly prefer to stay at home over going out and being among people.  It doesn’t help that recent “forays” into a more social lifestyle have only reinforced this.  I’ve been slapped down so many times that I can’t help but want to avoid further problems just by staying home.  It’s easier.  Lonlier, yes, but easier.  Why are there so many politics involved with social relationships?  Why can’t everyone just be themselves?  Questions for the ages…

Hmm.  Not sure how unspectacular or even how quirky these quirks are.  Or if they’re even quirks at all.  But there you have it.  Now, if you’d like to pick up this meme on your own blog, by all means, do so and then let me know so that I can go learn more about you.

Retro Internet Gal

I thought I’d do something different today.  I want to take a look back at my “internet history”, sordid as it may be.  (And it is.)  So the best place to start?  The beginning.

Marilyn 6 Weeks Okay, that’s probably too far back.  But, gosh, wasn’t I adorable?  You can’t deny it.  I sure had the whole “baby” thing going for me.  I wonder what happened.  Because somewhere along the way I went from “Aww, how cute!” to “Eesh!  Put some makeup on, woman!”  But looking at this picture, I can see influences on my own children which is pretty freakin’ cool if you ask me.

But yes, advanced as I was as a wee thing, the technology wasn’t there (not at our house, at least) and I was not quite yet on the internet.  Give it a couple years.

My dad worked for IBM so you would have thought we would have lived on the cutting edge.  Alas, this is not so.  My dad did at one point in the 80’s bring home one of those old dinosaur IBM computers and I remember for a while it was set up in my room and he would come in before I was awake in the morning and dial in to the IBM whatchamacallit and… do what exactly?  I don’t know.  But I remember hearing the phone dialing in the computer’s (extremely loud) speakers and the resulting beeps and boops as it connected.  WILD.

There was a small amount of internet going on in high school but for the most part is was learning all about Tetris and Solitare (all the computers in all the classrooms AND the library had Solitare!  SWEET!).

I went to Nevada to go to school and my friends… did not.  One stayed behind in San Jose and another went to school clear out in MICHIGAN.  That fall was rough as I would hike to the post office in hopes of letters.  And my dearest friend in Michigan began to urge me to get an “email account”.  WTF?  Email?  Why would I want to do that??  I had no computer of my own, anyhow, and was forced to use the computer lab for writing papers.  Finally, I signed up.

It was all downhill from there.

Cecile and I I think my first email address was something like mskurtz@unr.edu.  I could be wrong because it has been EVER SO MANY YEARS and I only have so many brain cells left.  I do remember we had to use “PINE” to access the email.  Graphic based?  Only in our dreams!  I think it was only the VERY NEXT DAY that I had some very helpful friends on campus show me what a “talker” was.  Do any of you out there remember “talkers”?  It was what they called chat rooms before there was chat rooms.  The one I started out on was called “Crossroads” and it was, as far as I knew, the biggest of it’s kind.  It wasn’t a game, like a MUDD (which I did get into along the way, never fear), but rather a big, text-based, multi-“roomed” program that allowed a bunch of nerdy college kids to chat with one another.  Essentially.  I became something of an internet flirt.  I was able to email and (once I talked her into logging in) chat with my friend in Michigan and I met new friends. We eventually migrated to our “own” smaller talker, “Eye of the World.”

I thought I was terribly clever.

It wasn’t long before I was trying out MUDDS and the like.  I got hooked up with one from some guys that I had actually MET in person.  They were decent fellows, which looking back, I realize is nothing short of a MIRACLE.  (Evie, don’t you ever THINK of doing anything I did.)  I lost a lot of my college existance in MUDDs, actually.  Between that and the talkers, it was a miracle I (eventually) graduated.

Kile and I Lucky for me, I met someone my junior year of college and he sort of mellowed me out.  (I also used to wear a lot of baggy-ish clothes.  WTF?  I wanna go back in time and tell my dumbass self to enjoy the relative skinniness while I had it…)  But I turned him into an internet addict too.  Actually, while I tell people that we met on a camping trip, that’s not altogether accurate.  See, I had just learned about this awesome thing called “Geocities” and had spent a goodly amount of time in the dorm computer lab putting together my own monstrosity of a webpage together (I was located in Hollywood, I think).  And, for whatever reason, I bookmarked it on the computer I tended to use the most often so that I could go back and access it easily.  It just so happens that one day this older fella was using that computer and browsing the bookmarks and found this webpage of mine.

I was hunched over another computer at the time, talking feverishly to my friend in Michigan about something that was undoubtedly important.  I can’t remember NOW, of course, what it was but I do remember the urgency of the moment.  I hear this person, who I have no idea who they are, say “Marilyn!”  My head whipped around and I saw this older fella.  I think I glared at him.  “I like your webpage,” he said.  I grunted, perhaps a rudimentary “thanks”, perhaps not, before returning to my conversation.

Talk about your auspicious beginnings!  You can see why I stick to the camping story.

ANYHOW.  The point is, I got my dumb self on Geocities in the fall of 1996.  I learned how to fiddle with HTML and such things and got a real taste for having a presence on the web.  I LIKED IT.  I would continue for the next several years to maintain Geocities webpages and other sorts of webpages on other various servers.  At first, it was all about the FREE.  Free was good.

When that older fella (his name is Kile, btw) and I got married in August of 1998, I was still doing the Geocities thing.  And the MUDD thing.  What can I say?  Then I got pregnant in the spring of 1999.  I joined an expectant mom’s email group for gals due in November of 1999 and got embroiled in that.  I kept an offline diary of my pregnancy from virtually the moment I found out.  Why not online?  I don’t know, but I was something of a fuddy duddy and there was something about paper and pen that I enjoyed embracing.

MomandBoy I would continue to journal offline through my son’s infancy and the ensuing years where we tried to get pregnant (AND FAILED).  I would also continue with email groups and eventually an online message board group over at the Ovusoft Forums.  I still marvel at how I was STILL not journaling online at this point.  No, what I did instead was start playing The Sims.  And then, because I am a ginormous nerd, I started up my own Sims website.  See, you could “make stuff” for the game.  I joined an existing site for the purpose of selling my “wares” before eventually setting up my own site.  I had a friend help me through the process of signing up for my own webhost account and getting a domain name configured.  Enter: HOSTGATOR.  Gosh, when was that?  It was the summer of 2003, I think.  I’d already been in The Sims website game for nearly 2 years at that point. My first url was simlair.com.

It took about 18 months before I thought about blogging myself.  I had certainly heard of blogs by this point.  But, to be honest, I thought they were more for “kids”.  Teenagers and college kids.  I saw them as more of a social networking thing.  This was until a friend showed me some blogs of some infertile women out there, one in particular.  I was hooked from then on.  And it was via Julie’s blog and her awesome blogroll that I found a lot of the other blogs that I still read today.  And I was encouraged to start my own blog.  Which I did.  ON BLOGGER.

*bangs head on the wall*

It took me about 5 days to wake up from THAT and set up WordPress on my Hosgator account.  So my first blog url was inconceivable.simlair.com.  OH YES.  And I remember my first design too.  I had to do that because I couldn’t stand the default look and there was virtually NOTHING out there for chick bloggers that I could find.  I figured if there wasn’t anything available, I’d make my own.  By New Years 2005, I had a WordPress blog and my own custom design.  GO ME.  I (obviously) haven’t looked back since.

The internet has been a huge part of my life, that’s for sure.  Blogging has been an even LARGER part of my life.  I had to go through some painfully geeky periods of my life before I got here, but I got here.  And I guess you could say I’m STILL geeky.  And I would have to bow my head and say, “Yes, you’re right.”  But at least I’m geeky in the company of some awesome women.

BLOGGERS RULE.

Self-consciousness and BlogHer

Perhaps, just maybe, it’s ironic that I’m speaking on a panel about overcoming introversion at BlogHer this year and I find myself feeling rather, well, introverted about it all?  I don’t know.  I never could really pin down the definition of irony, after all.  Dang that Alanis Morrisette.  She totally screwed me over with that one.

Some of you who are going to BlogHer this year have met me at past BlogHer conferences.  Some of you have not.  For those of you who have not, I want to be sure to tell you what to expect when and if you see me there.  What to look for.  We don’t get a really good physical representation of ourselves on these blogs and I so rarely ever take pictures of myself.  So here goes:

  • Despite the hip, new haircut, I’m really rather dorky.  It shows in my physical personna.
  • I am tall, about 5’8, and awkward with it.  I don’t wear heels because I don’t want to emphasize it.
  • I’m also large boned which makes me feel like a hulkish freak at times.  Tall and Large.  Fantastic.
  • Add to that all the excess baby weight that is hanging around.  So yeah, that’s my way of saying I’mon the chunky side.  I definitely have some extra padding (read: back fat, jiggly arms, thunder thighs, floppy belly, big ol’ boobs… you name it).
  • I wear glasses.  I take them off usually for pictures of myself but I do wear them all the time.  I can’t see, otherwise.
  • My clothes are either out of fashion or ill-fitting or both.  I’ve never been very good at knowing what looks good on me.
  • I have big feet, which will probably be wearing flip flops.  Unless I’m wearing jeans. Then I’ll wear sneakers.
  • My nails are messed UP.  I hope to have them painted and hopefully looking halfway presentable but they’re an issue for me right now.
  • My teeth aren’t so great either.  I have an enormous mouth and big teeth and they don’t look THAT great.  I see myself smiling in pictures and cringe half the time.  I hope to whiten them before going so at least they’ll be white, you know?
  • I’m not entirely sure I know what to do with my new ‘do.  I’ve tried a couple times so far and so far it looks pretty sad.  Plus, you know, mah hairs is all gone!  I’m not used to it yet.

So there you go.  Paints a pretty picture, huh?  I’m thinking I did one of these last year too.  Shows you what a self-conscious twit I can be.  But… there you have it.

Also: Am still stressing the budget.  I SO want to stay at the Westin on Friday night.  But Kile keeps hemming and hawing.  He tells me to raise the money.  RIGHT.  And how would I do that?  Perform a little magic trick and it’ll appear?  Voila!  Wouldn’t that be nice?  I’m going to try to sell some of my maternity clothes (now that I don’t need them anymore) that still look nice (the rest are getting donated) and see what that brings in.  I have my latest ad revenue check from BlogHer.  But beyond that?  Ehhhh…

I hate to even SAY it but I considered putting up a PayPal donate button in the sidebar.  You know one of those, “Help me go to BlogHer!” type deals.  But I don’t know, that just feels… weird.  I hate to even think it.  Still, it may come to that.  Perhaps I could offer up some swag to donators come August when the budget has righted itself once more and I can make it to the post office.

I don’t know.  I hate to ask anything of you guys.  You’re all so fabulous and I’m just amazed that I have any readers here at ALL.  You guys, for lack of a better word, ROCK.  I should be sending you guys swag just for showing up day by day.

Looking back at me

The lovely lady behind Lag Liv recently tagged me for a very intriguing meme. It’s so rarely that I’m actually tagged for a meme, that I had to do it. Plus, I had to admit, it was a danged fine meme. Who am I kidding? I probably would have done this one anyhow, tagged or not. That’s just how I roll.

THE RULES:

** Post about the meme and link back to the person that tagged you.
** Go back to your archives and link to your five favorite posts.

Link One: must be about family
Link Two: must be about friends
Link Three: must be about yourself
Link Four: must be about something you love
Link Five: can be anything you choose

** Tag five other people (at least two must be new acquaintances so that you can get to know them better). Oh please. We all know I’m not going to follow this particular rule. I am a horrible tagger. I would a) not have the guts to actually tag them in the first place for fear that they would blatantly ignore me and think me a dweeb and b) not have the guts to go to their blog and tell them they were tagged. So there you have it. No tagging. But if you want to do it and/or actually do this meme on your blog, LET ME KNOW so I can go peep at your answers. Deal?

  1. Family Hmm. This is hard. Because pretty much a LOT of my posts are about my family. And it was pretty hard to find a “favorite” among those. I finally settled on “Spacing” which I posted last April. While a lot of the content is rather ironic considering my current condition, I think it’s a poignant look at “family planning” and how the whole “planning” thing is really just an illusion.
  2. Friends Gah. Heh. I could basically go two directions on this. Fondly or not so. Let’s see… There’s this post where I talk about my anti-social tendencies that have only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and more isolated. There’s also this post where I discuss how much I am lonely and want to have friends (do I sense a contradiction? Yes, I do!). There’s even this post where I tried (rather unsuccessfully, actually) to kiss some butt and mend some fences. I tried looking for some positive friendship posts but I couldn’t find much that I actually really liked. I guess I need to start writing more positive things about friendships in here, huh?
  3. Myself Oh, this shouldn’t be difficult at all. There’s a TON of posts about me on here. I like this post about wanting to find more self-confidence now that I’m getting older. Then again, I also really, really like this post where I expose my feelings about being able to get pregnant so easily a) after suffering infertility and b) when I know so many that struggle so hard. Tough choice! I love them both.
  4. Something I Love Well, there is the post I wrote last night about our new bad. I love that pretty much a WHOLE lot. BUT, in the interest of romance, I’m going to have to forgo that one in lieu of this rather schmoopy post from our anniversary this last year. And every word of it? TOTALLY TRUE. I definitely do love that man of mine. Absolutely have no idea what I’d do without him.
  5. My Choice Hoo boy! I’ve got a couple here (again!) (good thing the rules aren’t too specific about only picking ONE post). I *LOVE* this post about my religious leanings. I could write that post over every six months or so and probably have a different post each time. But this pretty much holds true. I also love this post I wrote on Jackson’s third birthday (or what would have been, rather) last year. How about this post where Liam was introduced for the first time? That was such an awesome day. And then I like this post where I put up some advice about dealing with someone who has had a miscarriage or stillbirth or the like.

Whew! I think that covers it! At least, it damn well better cover it. I’ve easily been working on this darn post for the last 12 hours. Okay, that’s a lie. I worked on it for a couple hours this morning and then we were out of the house all day long. But I put a good three hours in on this post. So that should count for SOMETHING, right?

Oh, and if you’re wondering? The new bed is just as fabulous as I always hoped it would be. Who knew that I wouldn’t have to flop like a fish out of water just to roll over, that I could simply just roll? It’s a miracle! That bed is my new BFF.

Narcissistic? Yes. Lame? No.

So there’s a lot of rumblings going on in the blog community (or at least the blog community that I pay attention to) that blogs are lame and narcissistic. I take except to that. Well, not the narcissistic part (and please don’t make me type that word out again) because DUH, that’s the nature of a blog. If blogs weren’t self-centered (whew, thank you thesaurus), they wouldn’t be blogs. That’s their inherent nature. You don’t write a blog about someone else… unless you write a celebrity blog or somesuch. But personal blogs are rife with navel-gazing because that’s the topic at hand. So, whatever. I’m over it. I’m focused on me because this is my blog and I can talk about whatever I want, especially if that topic happens to be me and mine.

But lame? Ouch, that stings! I’m sure these comments were initially made in full self-deprecating fashion, but when such things are said there is often a nugget of truth at the center of it all. Meaning, whoever first said it (and I don’t really remember now who that was and I’m far too lazy to look it up) probably believes these statements to be true, at least a little bit. And ya know, that’s cool. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions. But if I really thought blogging was lame you can bet that I wouldn’t a) be writing three of them or b) spend good portions of my day reading other people’s blogs. So obviously, I think blogs rock my socks.

So I don’t really get why bloggers themselves, especially anyone who makes a job out of what they do would think or even suggest that blogs are lame. Still, I can understand where the discussion is coming from and what the whole stink is about. A lot of bloggers worry about losing their authenticity (or worse yet, have lost it already), about losing the initial passion that made blogging such a wonderful thing for them. I’m pretty fortunate, I haven’t had that sort of problem. I know that having ads on their sites tends to stifle other bloggers but I’ve never once had that issue. Again, I’m lucky. And who knows what lurks around the corner. Things could change for me, in the grand scheme of things I’m still a relatively new blogger. And I definitely don’t want to come off as holier-than-thou either.

What I really wanted to say was that with all the discussion of narcissism (damn, there’s that word again) and lameness and boring blogs that I’m not buying into it. I don’t thing posting a meme makes my blog unbearable (you may, of course, think otherwise) and I don’t think that ranting about the television show I watched the night before is especially unremarkable. I do know that I’m not the best writer in the world. If had more talent, I would probably be writing best-selling novels and wouldn’t have a lot of extra time for blogging. And that lack of talent might make this blog pretty lame to the outside eye. But to me, it is a slice of my life and because of that, it’s precious to me.