Holiday Hangover

Whew. Christmas is over. Now it is time to begin the business of getting life back to normal. Clear the last of the wrapping and boxes and packages off the floor, start taking down the decorations, move the baby back into her room and crib, get both kids back on their regular nap schedules.

Topping my list of post-holiday to-do is to learn just what to do with the sewing machine Kile gave me. Seriously, the thing sorta intimidates me. But once I get the hang of it, it’s going to be AWESOME.

So how are the rest of you all coping, now that the holidays are past? Do you all need some Advil and a glass of wine as much as I do?

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Night and Day

Ya’ll are wonderful, really you are.  I actually kinda feel bad about the last post, as though I should have turned off comments or included a disclaimer or both.  I didn’t mean for it to feel desperate or anything, just contemplative.  The bottom line is: those thoughts weren’t unusual for me and neither were they weighted.  They’re the sort of thoughts that flit through your head while you’re taking a shower on a Christmas afternoon and coming down from a stress-high.  Seriously, I limped to bed last night because I was sore all over my body.  My arms and legs were a mess of cramped up muscles that ached and burned and the best reason I can come up with is that I’ve been so tense about the holidays that yesterday when the stress finally passed, I had sore, sore muscles.  Owie!

I guess what I’m trying to say here is: I feel better today.  Shoot, I felt better almost as soon as I had posted that.  I wrote down what I’d been thinking in the shower as soon as I got out and scheduled it to post this morning so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting a post done this morning.  And I felt a lot better after I had it done, because this blog is nothing if not an outlet for my emotions.  Bless it for that.

I don’t doubt that I probably need to see a psychiatrist or any of that.  Right now, I’m a little more than reluctant to deal with doctors after that whole thyroid fiasco.  But I know it needs to be done, sooner or later.  Because I know that I MUST have some form of depression.  I must.  I’m not naive enough to think that I don’t.

Today has been a good day though.  We got out, left the house.  Ventured out into the snow and got some In n’ Out Burger and hit the stores to spend some Christmas money. I got a lot of things for the kiddos, including a booster/highchair that straps onto a kitchen chair and some snow bibs for Liam (he has been DESPERATE to go play in the snow and now he can).  I also got a sweater dress/tunic for myself and some wool yarn and more knitting needles to play with.

So don’t worry about me, okay?  Please?  If you see me start shopping around for razor blades or shotgun shells, then you can worry.  But really, I promise I’m okay.  We all get down now and then, and I’m no different.  In the meantime, the holidays are over, and all is well once more.  Let’s all breathe a sigh of relief and move on, shall we?

Yule Thoughts

I am EXHAUSTED, ya’ll.  We went to bed after midnight last night, the wind kept me up quite a bit and general Christmas excitement woke me up early.  I figure I maybe got four hours.  AM TIRED.  But things are far too exciting and noisy and confused and chaotic right now to take any sort of a nap.  Plus, Evie is all kinds of needy today.  So as soon as I close my eyes, she’s sure to need me.

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Did you all get what you wanted?  While I knew I wouldn’t be able to get everything on my list, I’m very happy with what I did get.  I got a sewing machine and a bunch of doo-dads and what-nots to go with it.  Everyone here did very well, actually.  Kile is thrilled with the cookware, cutlery and cologne that I got him.  The kids are beyond ecstatic (Harry went apeshit over Rockband, Liam is obsessed with the play kitchen and Evie has a surprising level of fondness for her Cabbage Patch baby doll).  The living room?  Is a nightmare.

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WTF??  The sun is out??  GO AWAY SUN.  You’re not wanted here.  Go on!  Get!

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Have I mentioned I’m sooooo tired.  Because I am.  SOOOOOO tired.

And the soul felt it's worth

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I hope everyone is having a top-notch holiday.  After having a serious bout of the “bah, humbugs” yesterday, I’ve finally come around to this whole “Christmas thing” and am officially “feeling it”.  For the moment.  I’ll keep you posted.

And so this is Christmas.  It was a rough night, what with The Wind That Wouldn’t Get the Hint and LEAVE TOWN ALREADY.  Plus, you know, good, old-fashioned Christmas anticipation.  Between the two, I got little uninterupted sleep.  And I was up shortly after 5am.  Evie woke up about an hour later.  And a half hour after she woke up, we heard the boys giggling in their room so it was finally Time.  We descended the stairs and the children were greeted with:

Santa Wuz Here Recession?  What recession?

And what about me?  Did I get what I wanted the most for Christmas this year?  Did I get what I had been (not-so) patiently waiting for?  Here is what I saw out the door this morning:

White Christmas Woo hoo!  SNOW!  About friggin’ time!

I hope you all got what you most wanted this fine, wintery morning.  Merry Christmas to you all, from my house to yours.  As my little gift to you, here are some snaps from the last day or so.  No new camera to take pictures on, but I suppose the other one will do for now.  Besides, I know there’s a MacBook in my future.  (Come on, tax return!!)

Pretty Dress

Pretty Dress

Christmas Jammies

Light blur

Lights

Christmas Lights

White Christmas

White Christmas

First Christmas

Christmas morning

Carnage

Glad Tidings

I must be getting old.  I’ve noticed that lately whenever things start getting busy that my mind turns into a piece of swiss cheese.  I can’t keep a single thought in my head for more than five minutes at a time and balls are getting dropped all over the place.  I find myself flitting from one activity to the next to the next and NOTHING is getting done and I’m falling further and further behind.  Come on, Marilyn.  FOCUS.  

Ahem.  That aside… 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Kile is out at WALMART.  No, not groceries (we did that last night and I am still recovering from the LINES).  Not presents either.  No, he’s getting a new tire for his van.  So, you know, we can go to church this evening.  OY.  Nothing like the last minute, eh?  He went with his dad and the two boys so I’m at home with my mother in law and Evie and Evie is napping so… woo hoo!  

I will be putting up a more meaningful post at some time, either later today or tomorrow.  But right now I seem unable to keep a thought in my head for long enough to make anything make any sense.  (Please tell me I’m not the only scattered one today!)

Right now, while I’m waiting for snow that I’m still not sure will ever come (hello, it’s SUNNY outside right now!), I’m hoping that all of you are having a lovely holiday.  Stay safe, drink some booze for me and enjoy your families and friends.  Open a present or two and think of me.

Christmas Double Eve

Wow, is it really Christmas tomorrow?  Like, for seriously?

Good thing I’m ready.  I mean, I’m REALLY ready.  And, bless it, I am actually starting to “feel it”.  Just a little.  The barest dusting of snow we got in the wee hours last night helped.  As does getting the vast majority of the cleaning up done in time for my in laws to arrive later today.

Kile hitched a ride into work with a co-worker today so he’ll either hitch a ride back or talk his parents into picking him up when they get to town.  Hopefully, by the time today is through, he’ll have a new tire for his van so all this goofiness will be done and over with.  Or mostly.  At least until the tan van is registered sometime next week.  I miss my tan van.  These kids had better be grateful for all the awesomeness we are bestowing on them for the holidays because the sacrifices we had to make are nothing short of torturous.

The floors are clean, the bathrooms are spotless, the kitchen counters are SPARKLING, damnit.  There are clean sheets on the guest bed and the stairs have been vacuumed.  All of Evie’s clothes have either been bagged up (too small) or put away.  Hot Wheels still litter the living room floor but you gotta give me a break here.  Besides, they’re keeping Liam entertained.

So I find myself actually anticipating the holiday tomorrow.  Going to church, looking at Christmas lights, eating cookies and fudge and letting the kids open their pajama presents.  Playing up the wonder and excitement of it all.   Liam is really starting to “get” it and I can’t wait to see what he thinks come Christmas morning.

In case some of you aren’t around the internets tomorrow or the day after, MERRY CHRISTMAS.  You know I’ll be here though.  I always am, aren’t I?  (Though I can’t promise quality… but when has that stopped me before?)

Four Years of Blogging

It has been four years since I started this blog.  In internet terms, that seems like an awful long time.  I remember that day rather well, actually.  I had been reading a few blogs and after receiving some some encouragement from a good friend, I decided to try the whole blog thing myself.  I was in the darkest of dark places, that December.  It was 9 months after we lost Jackson and I certainly wasn’t in the mood to be celebrating anything.

(And I need to warn anyone who goes back to look at those first posts:  I was in a BAD PLACE.  The worst place I’ve ever been in in my entire life, as well as the worst place I’ve ever been in since starting this blog.  I was bitter.  I was unhappy.  And it was 100% my deal.  Nothing can be blamed on Elko, my lovely in-laws or even Christmas in general.)

We had discussed before making the trip to Elko for Christmas whether or not we should just stay home and not subject people to our cheerless selves.  I still wonder if we made the right choice.  Kile contended (and still does) that we would have been just as unhappy at home as we would have been there so we may as well make the best of it.  I think that it would have been better to protect the masses from my foul self and shut myself away.  But oh well.  Bygones and all that.  And yes, having the newly minted blog really helped me process my bitterness.  After all, once I was able to spew my bitterness onto the electronic page, I was better able to expose myself to the innocent people around me.

This year is also rough, but in comparison, it is light years easier.  Kile had a good point yesterday when we were talking about this.  Our problems this year are finanicial.  Our problems in 2004 were emotional.  This year, everything could be solved with more money.  Yeah, we might not be feeling too spirited but that’s mostly because the money thing is giving us evil amounts of stress.  Take away the money issue and we’d feel a lot better.

In 2004, there wasn’t anything that was going to make us feel any better.  All the money in the world couldn’t have brought Jackson back to us.

In comparison, this year we have everything we ever could have wanted in 2004.  I can’t forget that.

Anyhow, this is supposed to be a post about how I’ve been blogging for four years.  I hope I am still blogging four years from now.  Even if no one is reading anymore, I want to still be putting my words out there.  For anyone that doubts the importance of blogging, I have only this to say:  It has saved my life.

So thank you, blog.  I owe you one.

On the cusp

Today feels very much like an intermediate sort of day.  The day between not having money and having money (maybe?) (hopefully?).  The day after my “little” girl turns 9 months old (THREE MONTHS LEFT, ZOMG).  The day before my blog turns 4 years old.  (Four?  Really?  Sometimes it feels like one, sometimes it feels like ten.)  The cusp of Christmas.  The calm before the storm (that had better leave us some snow this time, for pity’s sake).  The end of the weekend but the start of vacation.  Gosh, look at me waxing poetic here.

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I ended up submitting photo #3 to the contest last night.  It ended up with the most votes between this blog, Cloth Diaper Mamas,the goodmama forum on Diaper Swappers and even Twitter.  It was actually a really tight vote though.  As of the time I submitted, #3 had 9 votes, #2 and #1 both had 7 and #4 had 1.  I think the reason that #4 was “shut-out” was because, though adorable, it didn’t contain the unrestrained joy and the interesting-ness of the other three.  It was a REALLY tough call, but I feel good with the picture I submitted.  It shows not only the diaper, but the tree in the background and since the photo would be posted to the site later on this week, just in time for Christmas, it was appropriately festive.

So a huge THANK YOU to everyone who gave me their vote.  I really appreciated it because no way I could have picked on my own.

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My laptop continues it’s steep downward spiral into the bowels of hell.  Oh Dell.  How the mighty have fallen.  Dell sucks, ya’ll.  And I’m not afraid to say that.  My “g” will probably cease all function in the next day or so since the little green “thingie” that allows me to press it is threatening to fall off once and for all.  And once that happens, I plan to chuck this thing into a snow-drift.  (Of course, I only wish I could do that.  Alas, I cannot.)

Come on tax return!  Mama needs a Macbook!

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Wanna see some pictures?  Of course you do.

Wild Child goodmama See this diaper?  This is my new best friend.  I love it so. It’s called “Wild Child“.  It’s going under the tree for me Evie.

Not entirely happy I love a good picture of a crying baby.  This is the same “Baby’s First Christmas” outfit that we got for Liam.  The difference is that Liam swam in it and Evie barely fits.  But you know, whatever works!

Doing her Luckily, she got over her ire and proceeded to entertain us with her “nose thing”.  Gosh, I love that face.

Bokeh Attempt I was trying to achieve some nice “bokeh” in the background and a) my camera sucks and b) I need more lights or something.  Whatever.  It’s more blurry than bokeh but it works, I guess.  I’ll keep working on it!

Funky Fingernail Can someone tell me why there’s a dent in the middle of this fingernail?  Cuz it kinda freaks me out.

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Okay, that’s enough from me today.  I’ll be back tomorrow with some grand blog-iversary festivities.  Which means: a post about how this blog is now four years old.  WEE!

Saturday Snippets

I’m sure taking my merry, old, sweet time posting today, aren’t I?  Meh.

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I may be giving the impression that I’m one step away from sucking on a tail pipe over here.  I’m not, I assure you.  Yes, things are reaching comic levels of suck but it’s not the end of the world.  We’ll deal.  We always deal.  We’ve had it a lot worse in the past.

But on the other hand, this blog is my venting platform and if I’m feeling frustrated, it makes me feel better to come here and let it all out.  I’m then able to return to my life with a lighter heart.  So fear not.  It is not all doom and gloom and here at the old Slacker House.  There are some tidings of joy seeping in around the corners.

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Presents are wrapped!  This doesn’t include the gifts from the Jolly Old Fellow, but those don’t get wrapped anyhow, just assembled.  I’m pretty sure everything, as it stands now, is wrapped.  Presents to me, to Kile, to the kids, to Kile’s parents… WRAPPED.  Hallelujah.

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I have a great 2008 wrap-up/”best of” list coming up but I’m saving it for after Christmas because I think those things feel best and work better in the last week of the year.  Am I right?  Or am I hopelessly out of the loop and no one will be on the internet at all that week?  Whoops.  Anyhow, that’s what’s coming and I’m actually kinda psyched about it because as much as this year sucked?  This year also rocked.  It’s a complex fabric, it is.

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Scarves are a pain in the ass to knit.  I’m convinced about this.  They are boring.  They are long.  They take FOREVER.  I can knit and knit and knit on this damned thing and it doesn’t seem to get any closer to being completed.  I just want to finish it already so I can move on with other projects.  YAWN.  Maybe I’ll go ahead and start a hat for Liam just to break up the monotony because DEAR LORD.  (And $10 says this precious scarf is just going to end up on the floor, getting stepped on every day.  This IS Harry we’re talking about here, remember?)

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Watching Chris Rock’s “Kill the Messenger” on HBO OnDemand right now and it is HYSTERICAL.  Lovin’ it.

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I’m so beyond happy that it’s the weekend that I can hardly stand it.  I wish it was the weekend FOREVER.  If there was a way to have a weekend FOREVER and get paid for it?  I’d be ALL OVER THAT.  I’m not looking forward to Monday and Tuesday as I think those days are going to be enormously difficult.  If I can make it to Tuesday afternoon, I figure I’m “home free”.  Sorta.  It’s complicated.  I’ll get back to you next week.

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Meh.

Ho Ho Hum

I’m just not feeling it this Christmas season.  This is not unusual, of course.  Christmas looses a lot of it’s magic once you’re at an adult and real life intervenes at every turn.  Some years are worse than others.  Of course, 2004 was like the king of Bad Christmases and hopefully won’t be topped anytime soon.  There were some big extenuating circumstances on that one, though.

This year, I think the added stress has contributed to my sour outlook.  It’s hard to really get into the magic when you’re fretting about money and medication and demanding children.  The whole medication thing could be a reason in and of itself.  My hormones are assuredly not quite kosher, if you know what I mean.  Hopefully, having pills within my grasp once more will help that.  And, I suspect, there might be a little good, old-fashioned depression thrown in for kicks and giggles.

The presents are purchased, the cards have been mailed, the packages are on their way…  I even have wrapped a few presents and they are currently residing underneath the tree.   I also found an awesome deal on Amazon.com for an awesome gift for an awesome boy last night and used an awesome giftcard I earned from MyPoints to get it.  AND it’ll get here in time for Christmas too.  So the bases?  They are (mostly) covered.  Sure, there is cleaning to be done, but there’s not much point in worrying about that until next week.  Not with the slobs that inhabit this house (I include myself in that statement, by the way).

Of course, I just had a giggle reading this post by Jennifer of PANPFC (I love abbreviating that).   I feel so much better, knowing that I am not the only one who a deep and abiding HATE of eggnog.  The stuff makes me want to be barf.  I won’t even talk about how Kile leaves his empty glass sitting around, all coated on the inside with the nasty stuff and COOKIE CRUMBS on the rim and on the inside of the glass from where he dipped the cookie in the foul crap and… (*hurl*).  Okay, I need to stop before I make myself seriously ill.  The point is, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only person who hates the stuff.  Makes me feel a little less like a grinch.

But I watch Kile decorate the house for the holidays, and Harry get excited about presents under the tree and Liam spaz out over playing in the snow and lights on the tree and… meh.  I’m just not feeling it.  Even more than the year before, it’s really just feeling like “just another day”.  Except that it’s just another day that I need to do a lot of crap in preparation for.  Does this mean I’ll feel relief next week when it’s over?  Maybe not right away, but a few days later after the dust has settled… will I feel that sweeping gratitude that I made it through another holiday?  Cuz right now, I’m thinking I will.

I hope this condition is limited to this year.  I would hate to have all future Christmases tainted by this feeling of doom and depression and blah.   Maybe in the future, I’ll have better perspective.