Wondering Wednesday

I wonder what’s going to happen on “Lost” tonight.  It’s been so danged good lately that I don’t dare miss a minute of it.

I wonder if Sarah Chalke is actually the “mother” on “How I Met Your Mother”.  I’m thinking: no.

I wonder if the wind is EVER going to just STOP, please for the love of GOD.

I wonder if I should go chase down our garbage can that blew down the street this morning. GAH.

I wonder what I should have for lunch.  Is it weird that I’m actually kinda excited to have a tv dinner to eat?  Probably, huh?

I wonder if I should drink some Rockstar.  I’m guessing that if I don’t want to fall asleep in my tv dinner, I probably should.

I wonder if Evie will keep up her sleeping at night the way she has been.  It has been MARVELOUS.  I recently stopped nursing her in the night (the cut-off being when I go to bed around 11 or 12 and I can start again in the morning anytime after 6am as I’m generally up around then anyhow).  For a while, myself or Kile (usually me) was getting up when she’d wake and rocking her before putting her back in her crib and that worked great.  The last couple of nights, we haven’t even had to do that.  Though I think she’s woken a little and cried for about a minute before falling back to sleep.  Let’s hope this is a trend in the RIGHT direction towards a full night of sleep for everyone!

I wonder why I’m still so tired if I didn’t have to get up in the night last night.  Hmm.  Could be the whole “going to bed around 11 or 12, waking up at 6 or 6:30” thing, huh?

I wonder why Liam loves PBS’s “Word World” so much.  Is it the letters and words?  He loves himself some letters and numbers these days.

I wonder why I write such goofy blog posts when I know that no one likes this sort of post anyhow.  Could be I’ve got a lot on my mind and I need an easy way to unload it.  Could be I don’t have the coherent thought capacity at the moment to write a decent post.

I wonder if drinking some Rockstar could help with that.

There’s only one way to find out!

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Better than no one

I often worry that my particular parenting choices will come off as “preachy” to other moms.  That they will feel intimidated by what I chose to do with my children and will think that I will in turn think less of them for making a different choice.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  In fact, I think my choices are just that, choices.  And how could I look down on anyone simply for making other choices?  Choices that are just as good as the ones I make for my own family.

Take breastfeeding for instance.  I do take pride in knowing that Evie has been, for the most part, exclusively breastfed since the day she was born.  Solids are merely a supplement at this stage in the game.  Often, they’re an afterthought (she said, with shame).  I wasn’t able to nurse Liam, but I did pump all his milk for the first ten months of his life and he was a lot worse about eating solids than Evie is.  Harry too was nursed exclusively for the first year of his life.  Do I think this makes me better than someone else who has used formula?  No, it just means I made another choice.  I’m happy with that choice and proud of it, sure, but it doesn’t make me better.

Co-sleeping is the same.  We have co-slept with all our children, to varying degrees.  This was simply a choice we made when our children were newborns.  We (read: I) wanted more sleep so co-sleeping was the simplest, most-effective way to achieve that.  It turns out, I really enjoyed having my kids in bed.  I felt I bonded closer to them and was able to really enjoy the closeness and the small moments of smiling into each others eyes first thing in the morning.  But am I better than a mom who chose to put her baby in a crib or bassinet from day one?  Nope.  Not in the slightest.

And cloth diapering is NO different.  I’ve gotten the vibe from people I know in real life that they might be a little intimidated by my decision to use cloth diapers on Evie.  That they think I might think less of them if they don’t want to cloth diaper as well.  Definitely not.  I know it’s not for everyone.  Shoot, why do you think I never tried it with Harry or when Liam was little?  Because I didn’t feel it was a choice that I wanted to make, could make or maybe even SHOULD make for my family.  Things change, attitudes change, budgets change and opportunities open up.  I don’t think I made the decision to switch to cloth lightly, and if I gush about it on here or to someone I know in person, it’s only because I’m excited about it.

I’m thrilled that I have been able to embrace cloth diapering as easily and thoroughly as I have.  I am invigorated by the cloth diapering community and all the completely adorable options out there for diapering my kids butts.  So if I gush, it’s simply because I’m just seriously PSYCHED about the whole business.  And not because I entertain for a moment the notion that I could/should/would convert anyone to using cloth diapers.  Now, if someone became more likely to give it a shot after talking to me?  Su-WEET!  That would be awesome.  But I’m not going to tsk-tsk and look down my nose at anyone who prefers to stick to their disposables.  Because, at the end of the day, it’s a choice.  I’m not a better mom for cloth diapering any more than I’m better for co-sleeping or breastfeeding.

And you know what?  It goes both ways.   I don’t want anyone to look down their noses at me for the choices I have made either.   I don’t want someone to roll their eyes when I mention that we co-sleep, give me a dirty look for nursing my daughter in the van while we’re out during the day or wrinkle their nose in disgust when they learn my children wear cloth diapers.  You don’t have to explain your choices to me, and I shouldn’t have to explain mine to you.

Because, when it comes down to it, we’re all equal.  We all love our children.  And that’s what matters.

Easy like Saturday Morning

Even though, you know, the song is “Easy like Sunday morning” and it’s very nearly not morning any longer.  Ahem.

Kile let me sleep in a little bit this morning, until after 8 am, which felt like HEAVEN.  He got up with Evie and then when Liam woke up, got him up too.  I heard some ruckus downstairs at one point so I got up and came downstairs to find Harry staring at the TV, transfixed, and Liam screaming (which was making Evie scream too).  What the heck?  Turns out, Kile had been watching “Pan’s Labyrinth” on OnDemand (one of our favorites).  And it turns out that the scene where the child-eating monster is chasing the little girl was sort of scaring our little two year old.  YOU THINK??  Kile said that he’d been okay until the monster ate the fairies.  At that point, my eyes rolled so hard into the back of my head that I gave myself a headache.  And it was at that point that we put the “Elf” DVD in and everything was better again.  I swear, if that kid gets nightmares it’s ALL HIS FAULT.

Anyhow, I slept in because I’ve been so exhausted the last couple of days.  And yesterday’s shopping trip just plum wore me out.  And Evie slept in our room for most of the night last night, she came in (doesn’t that make it sound like she just got up herself and walked into our room?) just as we were going to bed.  Boo!  To her credit, though, she is pushing through her top two teeth.  So I guess I’ll give her a little slack.

And, on the plus side, Beetoe didn’t sleep with us last night.  The night before, we had her in with us.  And since she had helped “clean” Harry’s plate after Thanksgiving, she was experiencing a little indigestion.  As a result, she was rather restless all night, wandering around the bed.  At one point, she got up next to my face and I was turned away from her.  But you know how it is, when you know someone is staring at you, you just can’t shake it.  So finally I turned to her and said, “What??”  Her timing was impeccable.  At that moment, she burped, right in my face, and I got a whiff of Thanksgiving Dinner Part 2.

Let me tell you, not the best way to be woken up in the middle of the night.

Today, we’re taking it a little easier.  Harry keeps pestering us about going out and going shopping.  I’m thinking he wants to spend some of the birthday money he still has left.  He’s not interested in taking my word for it when I tell him that NO, we’re not going out today.  We’re going out tomorrow, and that is good enough.  Nope, today we’re sticking to home and making Christmas candy to go in our gift bags.  So far, Kile has gotten a jump start on the peanut brittle and I’m going to help with the candy canes and pretzels after he gets out of the shower.  I’m thinking the hardest part will be not eating any of it.  Just wait until we get started on the fudge.  (OMG, FUDGE.)

So what are you all doing this weekend?   Still recovering from the holiday?  Decorating for Christmas?  Finishing up shopping?  Anyone else’s husband scar their children with “Pan’s Labyrinth”?

OMG, she did it again!

Last night, for the second time in three days, Evie slept in her crib until 5am.  

 

!!

 

She cried when I first put her down and didn’t stop after about 5 or 10 minutes so I retrieved her, nursed her some more, and tried again.  Kile and Harry both were out in the loft at the time too, watching television and playing Halo and the lights were on and all that good stuff.  So I had to walk by them to get her to her room and she was thinking, “Hey, I wanna join the party!”  Also, she had drowsed off while nursing the first time and I think she actually falls asleep in her crib better if she doesn’t also fall asleep while nursing.  

The next attempt, she cried again but this time for only about five minutes.  And then she was quiet.  ZOMG.

I didn’t make the same mistake I made on Sunday night where I went to get her if she was only fussing.  But, looking back, I’m not sure ever really fussed.  In fact, Kile went to peek in on her when we went to bed at nearly midnight (what is WRONG with us?  what do we have against going to bed at a reasonable hour??) and she was fast asleep.  

I actually thought it was earlier than it was when she woke up.  I listened to her fuss for a few minutes until it was clear that she was not going to fall back asleep.  In fact, as soon as I brought her back into bed with us and got to nursing her, she fell right back asleep.  I imagine I could have put her back in her crib then, but I like being able to cuddle with her, at least a little bit.  Though I think I’ll have to toughen up in a couple months.  

But that’s not the end of it!  She went back to sleep after I nursed her at 5am and I woke up, as I always do, when Kile got out of the shower a couple hours later.  I nursed her again at that point and… she went back to sleep.  She NEVER does that.  Here it was 7:30 and she was sleeping MORE?  In fact, she didn’t wake up until after Harry left for school, at nearly 9am.  Wow.  

I hestitate to call the battle “won” at this point.  And, according to Kile, his parents are coming this weekend so she’ll be back in with us for a couple more days (I always worry about consistency, but I imagine it’ll all be okay).  But these are definitely some wonderful steps in the right direction.  Sleeping, on her own, in her own crib, without nursing, for NINE hours… well, that’s something I can get behind.  Way to go, Evie! 

Smatterings

I know this means I’m Officially Lame, but I’m watching Disney’s “Meet the Robinsons” with Liam and I’m finding myself laughing.  A lot.  This is a cute, funny movie!  Very clever.  Hey, if it’s not brain-melting drivel like “Oswald” (my old nemesis), and it makes my kids happy, then I pretty much want to marry it and have it’s babies. 

***

Evie slept in her crib on Saturday night.  As in, I laid her down in there around 8pm and she didn’t wake up until almost 5am.  (!!)  And even then, it wasn’t as if she woke up squalling and freaking out.  It was more of a “fuss”.  But I missed her so badly by that point and had slept so fitfully without her right there next to me, that I hopped up and ran to grab her. Heh. 

We tried it again last night, but shortly after we went to bed I heard her fuss.  I had JUST drowsed off so I was feeling loopy and I went to get her.  I didn’t realize until I got into her room and touched her belly that she had fallen back asleep.  (*cringe*)  Of course, touching her woke her up and she proceeded to freak the frack out so back to bed with us she went.  Ah well.  Live and learn. 

***

We really enjoy “True Blood” and “Entourage” on HBO on Sunday nights.  We missed BOTH last week when we were in Elko, which is a big ol’ bummer.  But last night was awesome.  And I’m so sad that both are ending their season after, like, NEXT WEEK.  What the heck am I going to watch THEN?  BOO!  What the freak is it with these tiny, itty, bitty television seasons??  And how many months until “Lost” comes back, anyhow?? 

***

Mondays kinda suck, don’t they?  I need more caffeine.

Next thing you know she'll want her own blog

I Evie shamelessly stole this blog post idea from Miss Zoot.  Since it’s a Friday, I just went ahead and let her do it.  The idea here is that Evie will broadcast her preferences (not mine) to the internet.  Whatever.  She’s just totally trying to capitalize on my uber-popularity.

  • Cloth or Disposable? This is one my mama and I agree on.  I love wearing my cloth diapers.  Especially the ones that are pink or purple or have pretty pictures on them.  They do make my butt look big through.
  • Breast or Bottle? My mama and papa have only tried to give me a bottle a couple times and I really hated it.  Plastic… yuck!  So they haven’t tried again since.  So I guess that means I prefer the breast!
  • Eczema or Reflux? Neither!  Am I lucky baby or what?
  • Jumparoo or Playmat? Okay, maybe I’m not so lucky.  I don’t have either of those things (though my mama keeps saying she wants to get me a playmat).  I do love to play in my exersaucer though.
  • Mommy or Daddy? Well, I do love my papa, don’t get me wrong.  But right now, I’m ALL about my mama.  I like to go everywhere she goes and when someone else holds me, I stare at her.  This makes her roll her eyes.
  • Sling, front carrier or stroller? I used to really love my sling, but I’ve gotten way too big for it now.  My mama just got a hip hammock that I love to ride in cuz I get to look out at everything, just like if mama was carrying me around!  I don’t like the stroller when I have to sit in my carseat to ride in it.  I don’t really like my carseat that much. But I do like going on walks in the stroller when I’m just in the seat!
  • Pacifier or Thumb? Neither, really.  I don’t like pacifiers because of the whole yucky plastic thing and I haven’t gotten real good at finding my thumb (my mama tells me my brothers couldn’t find theirs either).  Sometimes I’ll suck on my fist but only if I’m really hungry!
  • Bumbo seat or Bouncy seat? I don’t have a Bumbo seat, so I have to say bouncy seat!  I like the toy bar pretty well and it’s not bad for a catnap here and there.  I wish my mama would replace the battery that makes it vibrate though.
  • White Noise or Silence while sleeping? All summer long my parents have run the air conditioner in their room which makes a lot of racket.  I think I’ve gotten used to it.  Mama turns it on when I’m napping too.  What is she going to do when it’s winter and too cold for the a/c?
  • Crib, Pack n Play or Parent’s bed? Parent’s bed, all the way! I love to snuggle up next to mama all night long.  I even try to throw my leg over her belly!  I have a feeling they’ll try to move me into my crib here in a couple months though.  GULP!

Peekaboo
Peekaboo!  I just started doing this by myself this week!  Aren’t I silly??

Housekeeping

Everything is so cluttered.  And it’s not just my house (though, lord in heaven, the clutter in this house threatens to eat us all).  My mind is filled with useless clutter.  So, since I have to start somewhere and it’s unlikely I’m going to be starting with the house itself anytime soon, I’m starting with my mind.

How to you de-clutter your mind?  You spit out the random snippets of things that are dancing around in there, clamoring for your attention in a blog post, that’s how.  Now you know.

***

Thanks for everyone’s questions about WordPress!  Keep them coming!  I’m not sure when I’m going to start the series, but I’m thinking it’ll be sometime this week.  So stay tuned!  I’m seeing a lot of the same sorts of questions so that tells me what you all REALLY want to know.  Which is good!  And I’ve got some great ideas.  Hopefully, I can help some people out.  And if I lure just a few people away from the vile clutches of Blogger, then I will consider it a raging success.

***

Liam is feeling unwell today.  He was unwell yesterday too.  Runny nose, slight fever.  General crankiness (beyond the normal “I’m 2 years old and a little shit”, at least).  Poor guy.  He was very upset this morning when we couldn’t find his dolphin.  Because heaven forbid the child should have to drink his morning milk without dolphin in hand.  I’m hoping he starts feeling better before he a) infects me and or b) infects Evie.  I do not want Evie to get sick and I can’t afford to feel under the weather right now.  Plus this is a particularly sucktastic week for Kile at work so he can’t afford for me (or him) to be sick right now either.  Sick, sick, go away!!

***

Evie is sleeping in our bed pretty much full time now.  I know I had mentioned putting her in her crib a bit before, but we’re kind of moving away from that.  At least for now, we are.  Liam was 10 months before he slept in his crib and until then he had slept in our bed for naps and bedtime.  Since Evie is just shy of 5 months old, I figure we’re sort of jumping the gun anyhow.  She has already been taking naps in our bed, though admittedly, she often draws me in with her for at least 20 minutes or so.  I took a cue from what we did with Liam and the past several nights have been taking her up to bed when Kile’s putting Liam down and start nursing her.  Kile comes in when he’s done with Liam and reads a story to Evie while she finishes up and then it’s off to dreamland she goes!

So far, it has worked great.  She’ll wake up maybe once before I go to bed, and it’s usually shortly after she goes down so I figure she’ll stop doing that fairly soon.  It sure has been strange to have the evenings entirely kid-free around here.  Nice, but weird.

***

Hey, I’m doing my own ads!  I toyed with BlogAds (again… I had run them once upon a time but… meh) and for the last week I tried Performancing ads.  Which was well and good until I got an email from a sweet gal telling me that she had been trying to purchase ad space on my blog with the Performancing ads and kept erroring out.  Well, shoot, that’s not going to do!  So I found a WordPress plugin and am serving up my own ads now.  Middle-man be darned!

So this fabulous gal and her WAY cute products are now my very first advertisers!  Check out the link under the BlogHer ads in the righthand sidebar.  Click away and let her know that you think she rocks too (cuz she so totally does).

And if you’re interested in advertising, check out my new advertising page for details.  Look at me, trying to be all legitimate and stuff!

***

It’s less than two weeks until I get my iPhone.  The waiting is TORTURE.

***

How awesome are the Olympics this year?  I barely remember the Olympics in Athens or the one in Sydney.  I guess I’ve been a) busy and b) uninterested.  I think Twitter has really helped the Olympics be awesome this time around, as have all the blogs.  Getting to be excited about it with a bunch of other people at the same time what makes it fun, right?  GO PHELPS.  That man could probably get away with murder right about now.  Golden boy, indeed!  Shoot, all the American athletes have been amazing this year.  The gymnasts just blow my mind, for example.  I’ve even enjoyed watching the athletes from the other countries.  There have been ome great stories this year and I love watching the human spirit at work!  Good examples of this: the women’s marathon and the runners from Jamaica.  I’m going to miss these things when they’re done.

***

Good gravy I’m tired today.  Trying not to rely on the Rockstar too much this week but I think I’ll have to make an exception today.

***

I stop and realize where I was at one year ago today and I can’t believe it’s been a whole year and that everything last year really happened (well, maybe not the positive pregnancy test part because I do have a wee, adorable baby to cuddle this year because of that!).  Last August was a nightmare.  I wouldn’t say this August is a dream or anything, though.  I wish I could just go ahead and get this funk behind me once and for all.  The thyroid pills help, but I still have more “off” days than “on” days

***

Okay, time to move on with the day.  I think I’ll go get some Rockstar and give my ass a proverbial kick.  Do Mondays always suck this much?

Concentration? What's that?

I have zero concentration this week.  I have about a bazillion things buzzing around my head but I feel like I’ve been unable to concentrate on any one thing at any one time.  Even now, I’ve gone and laid Evie down up in her crib in her room (with the monitor within arms reach of me down here, of course) and Liam is distracted by “Jack’s Big Music Show” (LOVE) and a pile of plastic blocks.  But do you think I can concentrate long enough to gather my thoughts into a cohesive post?

NOPE!

I feel like I’ve been pulled into a million different directions lately.  A little piece of me is needed here, a little piece over there and another piece needs to be thinking about that over there too.  Nothing has my full attention and that is worrisome to me.  I’m scattered, is what it is.  I’d quite simply forgotten what it was like to feel this way.  Friggin’ thyroid.

Here’s just a little sampling of what is buzzing around in that empty cranial cavity at the moment:

  • I’m trying to make an appointment with a new doctor.  Our new primary care physician on our new insurance has a web-based appointment maker thingie.  I filled it out yesterday but haven’t heard back yet.  I hope they haven’t tried to call because our landline is at the mercy of two very f’d up phones that can’t hold a charge for more than two minutes and the charging stations are nowhere NEAR where I sit and nurse Evie.  So if they’ve called, chances are I’ve missed it.
  • You’d think, then, that I would check voicemail to see.  But I haven’t.  I should probably do that.
  • Speaking of phones, I won one.  You know, nothing much. 😉  Those that follow me on Twitter probably saw me lose my freakin’ gourd over it last week.  The only thing is that since we’re already AT&T customers, I need to wait until the end of August to renew my contract in order to get the reduced cost.  I think.  I’m still rather confused by the whole thing, to be honest.  But very excited to get my hands on it.
  • Evie is sleeping in her crib RIGHT NOW.  That freaks me out.  She didn’t sleep in there very long last night.  Only an hour or two and was in bed with us by the time we went to bed but STILL.  Baby steps.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not too excited to get this particular milestone achieved just yet.  She’s only 4 months old!  SHE MAH BAYBEE!!!
  • I’ve discovered Rockstar in the last week or so and I really kinda like it.  MUST GET MORE.  May just be the only thing to punch through my Thyroid Fog right now.
  • Still haven’t seen “Dark Knight”.  Am pretty sad about that.  Hoping to remedy this little problem at the drive-in this weekend.
  • Am so glad that Noggin’s monthly theme will switch in a couple days.  Am rather tired of the “Are we there yet?” song.  Actually, I think I was tired of it after the first day, to be honest.
  • Where was I?
  • My anniversary is this month!  TEN YEARS, yo.  Do we have any plans made?  NOPE.  Not that I know of, at least.  Crap.  Should really start thinking about this.  Anyone want to take bets on if I can get a DSLR or laptop out of this?  (That hysterical laughter you’re hearing is my husband.  He thinks I’m SUCH a kidder!)
  • Liam goes in for a speech therapy evaluation tomorrow.  I haven’t really mentioned much about that, have I?  I don’t know why we’re not doing Early Intervention or if Nevada even DOES Early Intervention.  So in lieu of that, we have to journey clear across town to see this therapist.  And pay a standard office visit copay to boot.  Oh well.  It’s for the Good of the Child, which you can’t ever really bargain away, can you?

I’m sure I’ve got more.  But my brain keeps slipping away and thinking of stupid things like, “Should I do diaper laundry before or after lunch? This evening?  How about a shower?  Should I try to take one today?  Oh!  Don’t forget to Evie’s prescriptions filled at the grocery store!  When should I go to the grocery store?  Tomorrow?  Yeah, right, as if I’d go by myself.  Dang, when’s lunch?”

So… yeah.  Sorry about that, folks.  I’ll try harder to whip my lazy brain into shape for tomorrow’s post.  In the meantime, feel free to read yesterday’s post which I have on good authority is a pretty good one.

So I'll talk about this instead

I don’t want to talk about the topic that is currently buzzing around my head because it’s full of venom and I could potentially get myself into deep blog-trouble here.  Not too deep, because I know you guys (my peeps!) would pull me back out, but I would hover very dangerously close to being an unkind blog and I don’t really want to go that way. Not right now at least.  Maybe tomorrow.

I also don’t want to talk about how even though I appreciate every one of your comments on last night’s post, I STILL have not called a doctor (I have to find a new one, which is providing to be a lion’s share of the problem here) and made an appointment and now it’s too late in the day and MEH, I almost even don’t care anymore which means, of course THE THYROID IS WINNING.

Ahem.

So instead, I will talk about my husband’s latest post about Evie sleeping in her own crib.  Now, I fully recognize that he’s trying to engage me with his inflammatory language about me making excuses and wah wah wah (I don’t do that, do I?).   But I want the Internets to know that I did have some good excuses for why we didn’t start putting Evie in her crib over the weekend.  Kile’s parents were visiting and were staying in that room so it would have been a little CROWDED and I’m sure they wouldn’t have cared for me stomping in there at 3am to fetch a crying baby, right?  That’s also my reason for not putting her in there last week after we got home from my parents’ house and before his parents came.  I figured why start something we can’t continue with consistency, right?

You’re on my side, RIGHT?

ANYHOW.  The point of this whole vignette is that Kile put Evie in her crib last night shortly after 9:30 and she stayed there until after 2:30 this morning.  Even then, I’m not sure she wouldn’t have just gone back to sleep but I just wanted to go in and get her anyhow.  Because as nice as it was not to have her toes stabbing into my stretch marks and being squeezed out to the edge of our enormous bed, I wasn’t sleeping all that great without her there.  I think I was listening for her on the monitor.  Plainly put?  I missed her.

I put her up there for her afternoon nap but she didn’t stay in there.  I put her down about 12:30 and she would sleep and then wake up and cry a little and fall right back to sleep like a minute later.  At about ten after 2, she seemed to be awake and crying more so I went in and got her.  I nursed her in my bed and she fell back asleep (yanking me in after her, like she often will do).  She slept up in our bed until about 4:30.  WOW.  Girl got her nap ON today!

We’ll see what happens tonight.  I think I’ll let Kile lay her down again, since that seemed to work well.  I won’t deny that it freaked me out having her up there in her crib all alone.  Where I couldn’t see her.  Even now, I’m gazing at her in her bouncer seat (where’s avidly playing with her own fingers) and I just want to snatch her up and cover her in kisses.

So yeah.  That’s what I’m talking about instead of the other things on my mind.  Anyone else have any good stories of moving their babies to their cribs that can bolster my fragile mommy ego?