Pills! I have pills!

Pills! It’s a MIRACLE (and just in time for Christmas, too!).

For those of you who have been following the whole sordid saga, you’ll be happy to know that I HAVE MY PILLS NOW.  And, honestly, I never thought I’d see the day.  I mean, it wasn’t looking too good there for a while.

I talked to the doctor’s office today and they decided that I didn’t need to come in after all, only to have the doctor write me up a prescription that OBVIOUSLY I needed, since my lab results triggered the APOCALYPSE alarm they keep under the desk.

Seriously, I don’t know what my results were (I haven’t received a copy yet) but the gal said they were “high”.  Well shoot, they were “high” last time too!  But last time they wanted me to take 150mcg (or as they initially put it, just take the 100mcg that I no longer had and cut one in two and take one whole pill and one half).  This time?  200mcg!

Woo hoo!

Which, you know, is the exact same dosage I was taking back up until the day Evie was born.  So it’s only taken NINE MONTHS for me to get back on the right dosage!  Who said the medical system in this country sucks?  It works just fine!

So anyhow, she tells me my result was “high” and that the doctor wanted me to take this new medication called “Levothyroxin”.  You know, otherwise known as the medication I’ve been taking for the last X number of years.  Riiiight.  Not so much with the whole being “NEW” thing but whatever.  And she said that she could fax the prescription over to the pharmacy for me.  Would I like her to do that?

OMG, YES.

Kile stopped on the way home at the store (milk!  bread!) and got the prescription so starting tomorrow?  I’M ALL GOOD.  I’ve got 5 refills on this and I get retested (fingers crossed) again at the end of January.  For the time being?  I’m on the road to quasi-health!  I still think I need to start seeing an edocrinologist, but at least this is a step in the right direction.

Party on!

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Could this be *gasp* progress?

Okay, for those of you who are following my Thyroid Drama with baited breath (oh hush, you know you are), I have an update.  Of sorts.  I swear, this is like something out of a bad television drama or something.  Kile called and left a stern voice mail today.  Which brings the total of Stern Voice Mails left to something like 40 bazillion.  And they never call back but today they did.  Which… ??  Yeah, I have no idea.

So this is what she told me.  They faxed the refill request approval or something of that sort (gal I spoke to has a thick accent so it was a little hard to understand) to the pharmacy on October 27.  And she also said that they only got one faxed refill request from the pharmacy.  Not the plethora that the pharmacy has told us that they sent.  Which… ??  Meh.

The long and short of it is this:  The doctor wants to see me before he will give me a new prescription.  And I have to get my blood drawn (again) before he’ll see me.  Because I’m SURE my TSH has improved from 116 in the last two months (I think it’s been almost that) without having had ANY medication.  But hey, maybe it’ll have gotten worse.  Anyone wanna take bets on what it is now?  Think I can break 200?  Come on, it’ll be FUN to guess!

So she has lab orders that I need to pick up at the office.  Because things with our vehicles is always in a state of flux here and because I am loathe to leave the house with the two little ones, I asked if Kile could pick them up for me on his way home from work.  She said no problem, as long as they have my permission.  Which they do.  Then I go get my blood drawn (I so love that part, let me tell you).  Then I wait for results.  And then, depending on the results (I’m gonna guess the results will = BAD JUJU, but no need to take my word for it), they’ll call me and make an appointment.  And I’ll go in for said appointment and talk to the doctor.  And then, GOD WILLING, I will get a prescription.  And actual, physical prescription that I can take to an actual, physical pharmacy and then (dare I hope?) get actual, physical PILLS.

ZOMG.

Okay, I can understand wanting to see me before doing up a new prescription because he wanted to see me in December for another blood draw ANYHOW (of course, this was going to assume I’d been taking pills all this time.  WHICH I HAVE NOT.)  But why not throw me a bone in the meantime and just refill the 100mcg pills?  WHY WHY WHY??   OMG, my head hurts.  Kill me now.

So there you have it.  I am going to conceivably get some medication sometime this month.  First, I have about a gazillion hoops to jump through which makes me SO HAPPY and will be SO EASY what with the whole “vehicle flux” and small children thing we’ve got going but WHATEVER.  We’ll figure it out.   At this point, I just want some freakin’ pills before I lapse into a coma or something (I totally fell asleep on the couch this morning for 20 minutes without really intending to take a nap) (sorry, kids).

Cross your fingers, ya’ll.

Health – Or Lack Thereof

So to those of you out there who are waiting with baited breath for an update on my thyroid status… well… you’re not going to like it.  The short of it is: I still don’t have my meds.  I swear, even I was the sort to get persistant and worked up about this sort of thing, I still don’t think I’d have my meds.  My doctor’s office is THAT awful to work with.  I really picked a winner when we switched our insurance, didn’t I?  Shoot, I just wanted a doctor that was nearby that would be easy to go see.  I didn’t realize his office was going to be one step shy of completely incompetant when it comes to getting the proper care for a disease like hypothyroidism.

I’ve called.  Kile has called.  MY MOTHER IN LAW has called.  Nothin’.  Voicemails have been left.  Calls have not been returned.  Requests have been made for paper prescriptions that we could pick up.  I’d even be willing to go in and talk to the doctor again.  And while I’m not too excited about getting my blood tested AGAIN, I’d even be willing to do THAT.  But… nothing.  As I mentioned before (I think I mentioned it before, at least), I even tried to find another doctor.  But that was easier said than done as they wanted some mysterious “diagnosis” faxed to them before they would make an appointment.  I don’t even know what that MEANS.

And here’s the thing: hypothyroidism causes you to feel a lot of the same symptoms as depression.  By that, I mean that my motivation is below what it might normally be.  Now, I’m not that motivated anyhow, as I’m a rather laid back personality.  Add in the added lack of motivation and I’m pretty much just a bump on a log over here.  It’s very hard to get myself motivated to do something, especially when I know it’s going to be a fight.  It’s easier to just sit back and forget about it.

And that’s another thing… When your thyroid takes a header, so does your memory.  I used to think I had a pretty sharp mind.  I didn’t forget ANYTHING.  Now?  I forget EVERYTHING.  This is above and beyond the forgetfulness of motherhood, ya’ll, if that gives you any indication.  So when you add the forgetfullness with the lack of motivation you get a scenario like I find myself in the middle of.

Picture this:  You know there’s something you need to do.  And you need to do it as soon as possible.  The urgency presses at your brain.  But, it’s the middle of the night and you’re trying to get to sleep.  There’s nothing you can do in the middle of the night, so you’d be better off going to sleep and taking care of it in the morning.  Just don’t forget!  And then, of course you do forget.  Repeat for MONTHS.  And that, in a nutshell, is my life.

I KNOW that I need to take this medication.  But between simply forgetting about it and my lack of motivation, it has fallen through the cracks.  And now the situation has just gotten so completely ridiculous that I’m almost embarassed to see a new doctor about it.  Because then I would have to explain why I am so lame about this.  And I would have to hear how irresponsible it is of me to just let this go like this.

And, honestly, I don’t feel I’m up to that.  So I don’t know what to do next, other than keep pestering the doctor’s office to get our prescription filled for crying out loud.  And wait.  Wait, wait, wait.

Saturday Slacking

Aren’t Saturday mornings a wonderful thing?  Sure, they’d be a heck of a lot more wonderful if I had a few minutes strung together where I wasn’t solely in charge of one or more runts, but I’ll take what I can get.  And a lazy morning in my pajamas and watching Harry test out some Wii games (he loves them, of course) is about as good as I can ask for.  I exist on the promise of child-free Saturdays at some point in my future.  Shoot, even a shower would be something.  But… whatever. 

Date night went pretty darned good last night.  The Salmon roast was pretty much the epitome of FABULOUS.  It was stuffed with crab meat and shrimp and OMG.  SO GOOD.  Kile also made PW’s butternut squash puree just to see what it was like and that was like a little taste of heaven, I tell ya.  He also made impromtu dinner rolls out of Pillsbury pizza dough and they turned out REALLY good.  Who knew?  Topped off with some broccoli florets, the dinner was pretty much perfect.  Very rich but very yummy and satisfying.  

After dinner, we cuddled on the couch and watched “Sleepless in Seattle”.  It had been a while since I’d seen that one (in fact, we have it on VHS, if that tells you anything).  We drank some of this icewine we got a couple weeks ago.  There was just enough for a glass for each of us and it wasn’t exactly cheap to begin with.  But OMG, it was so good.  If you ever have a chance to try icewine and like dessert wines (they’re rather sweet), DO IT.  Properly chilled, this stuff is heaven in a glass.  

Sure, getting to leave the house without the kids would be awesome but for now it’s just not going to happen.  Someday.  (“Someday” has become my mantra of sorts lately.)

Speaking of “someday”, I STILL don’t have my thyroid meds.  It’s a long and stupid story but basically my doctor’s office SUCKS.  I tried hunting down an endocrinologist this week but after much rigamarole and being told to call different doctors because of COURSE this one doesn’t take new patients, I found out that in order to make an appointment I need to fax my diagnosis in.  WTF?  What does that even MEAN?  So… I gave up.  Health is entirely overrated, if you ask me.   So my current doctor sucks and I can’t get a new one so I’m not holding out a whole lot of hope for getting my medicine anytime soon.  

THANKS A LOT, MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT.  Ya’ll are officially on My List.  

(My List is getting rather crowded these days.)

Well shoot.  Just thinking about that whole kerfluffle has made me feel all ornery and now I’m not so much feeling relaxed as I am stabby and angstful.  And now Harry has cheesed me off with another one of his overreactions and he woke up Evie and so my lovely morning has been shattered (yet again).  SIGH.  I have a headache. 

How about you?

Fall Back

Daylight savings time is about a joke, isn’t it?  I mean, what’s the point if no one informs the children?  To Evie, it was 8:30 and a good, normal time to be waking up.  To us it was 7:30 and we sure would have liked to have slept in another half hour or so.

***

My blog was acting awful strange yesterday.  I put a post up at four and I even checked that it went up but then my browser restarted (let’s not talk about the hate I have for my laptop AGAIN, okay?) and this morning, the post was gone.  Well, it wasn’t GONE.  I still had it but it was somehow not published to the front page.  Very strange.  So I fixed it.  So in case you were wondering where yesterday’s post went?  There ya go.  I think the monster that has been possessing my laptop has finally cloned itself and the clone has invaded my blog.  It’s the only acceptable answer.

***

I think I need a new doctor.  Correction: I KNOW I need a new doctor.  Remember almost TWO weeks ago when on a Tuesday I went and had my blood drawn for thyroid labs?  And then the doctor’s office called on Wednesday and told me that my TSH level was a little “high” and that I needed to continue taking my medication.  Continue?  Sure, she said.  Just take one and a half of your 100mcg pills.  But I’m all out of pills.  Oh, well, then have the pharmacy fax the refill request to our office.  I wasn’t entirely sure about this, but… she sounded like this was something they did all the time so… why not.  So I put in the refill request with the pharmacy and was assured it would take a good 48 hours to process.

Cut to SUNDAY (I wanted to give them extra time? I guess?) and I went to the pharmacy and OH GUESS WHAT?  They haven’t gotten the refill confirmation back from the doctor’s office yet.  Of course.  The pharmacist sounded alarmed that had no pills to take (not even knowing my levels) and gave me two to tide me over and promised to fax and phone the doctor’s office again in the morning.

It was a busy, strange week and this got pushed to the backburner.  Kile stopped in at the pharmcy on Friday to check on my prescription.  The pharmacist assured him that she faxed them EVERY day this week and NOTHING.  Not a phone call.  Nothing.

So apparently, my doctor’s office SUCKS.  I think I need a new doctor.  Correction: I KNOW I need a new doctor.

***

Liam loves to empty out his pack n play when he’s done being in there.  It drives me KRAZEE.

***

It’s going to be a long day.

Calling all thyroid experts!

Okay, who out there knows what these test results MEAN?  Because I got my results today and I’m totally scratching my head.

Back when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism, my levels were (I’m told) something like 36.  Didn’t mean much to me until the doctor explained to me that normal levels are 0.5 to 5 and that he’d like mine 0.5 to 2 in order to get pregnant.  Okie dokie!

This last pregnancy, when my OB called me all in a tizzy over my TSH level and the existance of antibodies in my bloodstream, the level was 16.  That’s when she bumped me up from 150mcg of levothyroxin to 200mcg.  Which is what I took until I ran out of pills (and refills) like THE DAY Evie was born.

I’m not sure what my levels were the first time they were tested by the new doctor back in August but they were a “jumping off” point anyhow, as if I had just been diagnosed.  He had me taking 100mcg.

Now I was supposed to get this test done a month ago.  (Oops!)  Actually, like a month and a HALF ago.  Anyhow.  I got a call from the nurse yesterday saying she had gotten my results and they were “high”.  The doctor wanted me to take 150mcg.  I pointed out that I had no refills and she said to have the pharmacy fax over a refill request which would be for 100mcg and not 150mcg but I’M NOT GOING TO ARGUE at this point.  And he wanted me retested in December.  Okay, whatever works.  Right?

Today I got the lab results in the mail.  And… well… I don’t want to jump to conclusions or anything but it says the result is 116.527.  (And, ever so helpfully, next to it is a flag that says High.)  (For the record, the “Reference Interval” is 0.45 – 4.500, which is in line with what I know.)

Uhm.  Is that the same number as the 36 and the 16 from before?  Because if it is, then that’s kinda beyond HIGH and more into OMG, HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?  Or am I being a doofus?  I swear, you could never tell I’ve had hypothyroidism for 5 years (well, more if you wanna get technical but I’ve known for five years), I’m still pretty naive about it.

Do any of you know how to read a report like this?  Cuz DUDE.

Not doing that well, actually

This has been a hard week.  Partly because Evie is teething (I can finally feel the little buggers poking through her gums now!) and as such her sleeping has become a lot more schizophrenic.  Partly because Liam is acting every inch of TWO YEARS OLD and I’ve about had it with his constant boundary testing.  And partly because, well, I’m not taking thyroid medication.  Again.

So, I’m mentally cringing in anticipation of the accusations I’ll get from you guys.  I know I should have been more on top of things than I was.  But I just don’t know HOW I could have been.  I saw the doctor back at the beginning of August.  He prescribed me 100mg of meds, 100mg less than I was taking before Evie was born.  He had me go get my blood tested and sure enough, my levels were Not Good.  I forget the number now (maybe I put it in a post somewhere?  Far too lazy to go look for it), but it was fairly high.  The idea was I would get my blood tested again in September and go back in to see him a week after that and we would re-evaluate my meds then.

Hmm.  Riiiight.

The thing is, I cannot, cannot, take two small kids to get my blood drawn.  Not when one of those kids is Liam.  We don’t even have any labs near our house, it’s a good 20 minute drive to get to any lab.  It just can’t be done without additional adult assitance.  And Kile, well, he’s been busy at work.  He can’t really take a lot of time off.  It’s great that his job is so stable, don’t get me wrong.  We definitely don’t want to rock that boat.  So I haven’t pushed the issue.  In truth, I haven’t made it a priority.  And, to be honest, once I was able to get my blood drawn, I surely couldn’t go to the doctor with both kids either.

Basically, I’m trapped here at home with the kids.  I cannot leave with them so I cannot leave, period.

And, unfortunately, I’m feeling the effects of it.  My temper is short (not good when matched with Ornery Two Year Old), I’m easily frustrated, and I can tell that I’m circling the drain yet again.

So basically… when it comes to taking care of myself I am an Epic Fail.  And I just don’t know what I can do anymore to pull myself out of this hole.

Okay, so I went

Evie’s rescheduled appointment was today.  And, yeah, I went.  I wasn’t going to.  I was going to have Kile take her by himself.  But… circumstances arose with our monthly shopping trip, meaning we had to finish up most of it today which meant I needed to go along… so yeah.  I went.

I distracted myself so I wouldn’t run up to the receptionists desk and rip someone’s face off.

The important thing is Evie is doing great.  Which we sorta already knew.  But it was nice to get medical confirmation of that.  She’s weighing in at 18lbs 3oz (80-85% for her age) and measuring 26 1/2 inches (70% for her age).  So she’s right on target.  Chunky, to be sure, but not overly so.  Long, but not overly so.  Trust me, had you seen Harry’s measurements for the same age, you would realize that INDEED Evie is much more “average”.  Her growth curve is right on track too, which is good.  We can start giving her more solid food than ever, which sorta freaks me out.

And she got her shots.  Which always sucks pretty hardcore.  We added on a flu shot because if there’s anyone I don’t want getting the flu this year, it’s her.  Liam, I think, is old enough to withstand it pretty well.  I’m not looking forward to the sore legs in her future, but… you gotta do what you gotta do, right?   After Harry had shots, I would just make sure he had Tylenol for the soreness and he would pretty much just sleep the whole day.  Liam, interestingly enough, had no change in his demeanor.  Knowing him now, I’m not surprised.  So far, from what I can tell about Evie, is it makes her a little more prone to crankiness.  Right now, though, she’s playing in her bouncer seat and being very mellow.  I imagine here in a short while, she’ll be very ready for a nap.

As will I.

Am I glad i went?  Meh.  But at least it’s over with.

Temper Fit

This particular post doesn’t paint me or my financial situation in a very flattering light. Actually, the financial situation is no surprise, based on today’s craptastic economy. But me, well… what can I say?

Evie had her six month wellcheck scheduled for this morning. Because I never keep those stupid schedule cards they give you, I had no idea when the appointment was until the office called yesterday afternoon to confirm. In order to make things a little easier (since mornings are insanity), I took my shower last night before bed. Of course, this means I woke up with Crazy Hair. But my iron was able to tame it back into shape. I got Evie all dressed up and gave her a dose of Tylenol, for her immunizations. I got Liam ready to go too. I left the house 40 minutes before the appointment. I noticed that our one tire that is always leaking air was a little low. Too late to fix it. The gas tank was in poor shape so I stopped at the gas station. The problem is, the machine didn’t accept my card. I had $20 in the debit account, but for some reason, that wasn’t enough. I hoped I would have enough to make it down to the doctor’s office and back home again.

I stopped to get Kile and called his cell phone. No answer. Again and again. No answer. I sat there for a good 15 minutes before he finally answered. He said he never got the other calls. URGH. We were able to make it down to the doctor’s office just in time. We loaded the kids into the double stroller and made our way inside. Kile signed in and we waited to be called back. We were called, eventually, but not by the nurse. The receptionist told Kile that we had a past due amount on our account (that we were unaware of) and that if we wanted to be seen today, we’d have to pay that plus our copay.

Yeah, we didn’t have it. Kile rescheduled for next week while my blood boiled over. BOILED. THE FUCK. OVER. Am I saying my reaction matched the situation? Perhaps not. But until that moment, I’d felt stressed and this was the last straw. I couldn’t handle the extra crap being piled on so I blew my lid. I stormed out to the van, swearing to Kile that I was not coming back next week and I used a lot of really bad language too. I was PISSED. I had put myself out, getting out of the house with two little kids, drove on a tire that needed air, on an empty tank of gas just to make this appointment only to get there and OH NO, TOO BAD!

I’m sorry, but to me, that’s just bullshit. What the hell do we even pay out the ass for insurance for if we can’t even get seen by a doctor?

Even now, I’m extremely upset about this. I don’t particularly want to go back to that office, but i know that’s a stupid reaction. Evie needs to see the doctor, even for a well visit, and she needs her immunizations. But the thought of doing it all AGAIN next week makes my stomach turn. I don’t feel that I can physically walk back into that office without wanting to slap someone.

Yeah, to say that I can’t handle stress very well these days would probably be a gross understatement.

Not my proudest moment. Who is to blame? Us, for not having the extra money to just pay it on the spot? Us, for not having that past due amount paid? Them, for insisting that we pay it before being seen? The economy, for sucking every last spare dollar out of our pockets until we’re left on our knees, begging for mercy? All of the above? None of the above? Who the hell knows?

It’s moments like these that I wish for oblivion, for an escape, for darkness and quiet. For peace.

***

In completely unrelated but no less worthy news: please go check out my review of the new book, “Maybe Baby” over on my review blog. It’s a great read. (The book, not the review.  Though the review isn’t bad either.)

Return of the big baby

soapy boy Once upon a time, I had a baby named Harry. Harry was born at a normal size (7lbs, 5oz at 40 weeks) and was exclusively breastfed. He grew to ginormous proportions. His fat rolls had fat rolls. He was corpulent. A basketball with smaller basketball shaped appendages. Adorable, yes. Rotund, yes. He didn’t start to slim down until after he was 6 to 8 months old. And even then he didn’t lose weight, it just turned to solid MUSCLE. Now, to this day, Harry isn’t a fat child. But he is the tallest kid in his class. And he is SOLID. He’s got his mama’s big bones. He was consistently riding the top of the charts when we would take him in for well-baby checkups. I guess I got to thinking that I simply made big babies. I don’t know why I decided that after ONE child, but there you have it.

Then Liam was born.

Plotting his escape As you all are well aware, Liam earned the moniker “puny runt” around here for constantly running along the bottom of the growth charts. It was bizarre to me. And to most people, he looked like a normal sized baby. And he pretty much was. It was just that compared to HARRY, he was a shrimp. He still is. He’s got stubby little legs (that he got from Kile’s side of the family) and frequently looks adorable running around on them. This isn’t to say that his thighs aren’t a little chubby or whatever, but just that his build is a lot more slight than Harry’s ever was. And we got rather used to hearing that he was in the 30th percentile or less for his height and weight. Then there was that whole “not gaining anything” period he went through. That was FUN.

Except that it SO WASN’T.

Anyhow, moving on.

Now we have Evie. Which way was she going to go? Would she be more petite like Liam, or would she push the envelope like Harry? It appears that we have our answer! Evie went to her two month pediatrician appointment yesterday. It was dreaded, because of those awful shots they always insist on stabbing into our children’s juicy little thighs.

At her 2 month appointment But Evie survived, and that’s the important thing. She cried. She may have broken a heart or two. She was STABBED three times, ya’ll. I probably would have cried too. I think I showed great restraint by not crying myself when it happened, actually. The poor dear. Anyhow. That’s not the point of this little ditty. The point is her weigh in. Which I’m getting to. Right now.

At her one month, she was pushing 8 1/2 pounds and 21 inches. This month? She is 11lbs, 9oz and 22 inches. Now, I’m pretty sure that 9 of those ounces was her diaper as she was wearing a cloth diaper that was wet at the time (why didn’t they take it off??) and those things can be heavy (for the record, it’s not the one in the picture. We put that one on her after the weigh in). STILL. Girl is GAINING. She’s 35th-40th percentile for height and 70th percentile for weight. If she truly does take after her biggest brother, she will be pushing 90th percentile at her four month appointment. Mark my words.

The only thing that remains somewhat small is her head. The measurements came in at 30th percentile which is REALLY strange. Because that was the only area that Liam EVER had high measurements in. He had (has) an enormous head, made even more enormous on top of his teeny body. But Evie’s head has the opposite effect. It’s just so… small. Smaller than I’m used to, at least.

I just have this picture of Evie out-growing Liam in a couple years and her and Harry towering over him. Of course, with Liam’s personality he could probably still easily take them both out. That kid has some cohones.

***

In other news:  Have you checked out my review blog yet?  You should head over there today to read about a new contest from CompanyKids.  You could win lots of really awesome stuff.  You should TOTALLY enter.  Go read about it!  Do it now!