Off we go, birthin' babies

We’ll be leaving in about an hour from now (or, I’m sorry, an hour from when I started this post).  I’m pretty darned hungry, if you want the truth of it.  My stomach has growled menacingly at me several times this morning but I have to keep telling it to “Hush!”.  I am concerned that it’s scaring the baby though.  Cuz, you know, it’s scaring me.

I put Kile’s cell phone in the washer last night.  We didn’t realize that I had done this until it had been in there about ten minutes so… yeah.  We tried all we could do to resuscitate but it was all for naught.   The phone be dead.  And I feel awful.  Yes, he got it for free.  But it was a really cool phone and NOW what are we going to do?  Chances are, Cingular won’t replace it since it was water damage.  So he’ll have to buy a new one but GAH, we just aren’t the sorts who buy phones, you know?  In the meantime, he found he can use his old phone which does suck, but it works too and that’s what’s important today.  Because if there’s any day you need your cell phone, it’s the day your baby is born, am I right?

I actually slept pretty decent last night.  I didn’t have that hard a time falling asleep either, surprisingly.  However, my good luck ran out at 4:15 when I had to get up to go pee.  And then I couldn’t go back to sleep.  You know how it goes.  My brain was going a mile a minute.  Kile’s alarm went off at 5:30 and he got up to use the bathroom.  He got out about 6:00 so we came downstairs.  I’ve since taken a shower, finished packing my bag, salivated over everyone else’s coffee and bagels, caught up on my blogs (can everyone just stop posting for the next day or so?  thanks), and given my boys lots of hugs.

I’ve been nervous.  Ever since yesterday.  I guess that’s normal.  Last time, I had that doppler we rented and I remember using it that morning to reassure myself that, yes, there is a baby in there.  This time… nada.  And not having eaten anything, she doesn’t have her normal sugar spike to get her going either.  So I’ve been fretting.  She hasn’t moved a lot in the last couple of days anyhow.  You know me.  I don’t need an excuse to get nervous about this sort of thing.  I’ll just feel so much better once I’m at the hospital and all hooked up to the monitors.

Anyhow.  I’ll be Twittering, one way or another.  Stay tuned!

The Gameplan (and a contest!)

Okay folks. This is it. We’re counting down HOURS here. The end is nigh. The beginning is imminent. Life, as we know it, will be turned on it’s ear. Are you scared yet? No? Cuz I am. Heh. Seriously though. Very excited. Very nervous. I can’t keep a thought in my head for more than two seconds at a time. It’s really rather pathetic.

In other news, I had my last NST this morning. Good times were had by all. Except maybe Evie who fell asleep about 5 or 10 minutes into the darned thing and kept her heart rate at a steady 120bpm the rest of the hour. Go figure. But all systems are go for tomorrow.

So here’s the drill: My c-section is scheduled for 12 noon (pacific time, yo) and I need to be down at the hospital by 10 am. We’ll probably leave here at 9:30 or so. Even so, I’ll try to throw up a post of some sort (something that probably says, “OH. MY. GOD.”) before we leave. I will be leaving the laptop in the van until I have a postpartum room all set up (along with the rest of my crap, of which I have lots), but I will have my cellphone on me. Which means two things, a) I will be able to check email, though it would be considerably more difficult to send email and b) I can twitter to my heart’s content. I can also conceivably “post to my blog” through flickr. Which is how I do the majority of my Wordless Sunday posts. And this will probably how the initial “announcement” is made. I’m trying to educate Kile on what media he is expected to take at what point throughout the day. I want video of the actual birth. But I want stills of her on the table and being brought to me. Somewhere in there, I want him to take a picture with my cellphone so that it can be sent to flickr and posted to the blog. WHEW.

So I guess my point here is that if you are interested in updates, keep an eye on Twitter, Flickr and eventually, the blog here. Once I do get settled in, I plan to fire up the laptop, post pictures to flickr in earnest and make a nice decent blog post. That probably won’t happen until evening sometime. Again, this is all pacific time, of course.

And, in case you don’t know, I am beyond thrilled at everyone’s interest and excitement in my big news. You all totally rock, you know that? I love each and every one of your comments. Your encouragement means more to me than you could possibly know.

I also have a little fun in store for you all. I decided to make a little contest out of how big you all think this baby will end up being. Harry was 7lbs 5oz at 40weeks 2days. Jackson was 6lbs even at 38weeks even. Liam was 4lbs 15oz at 37weeks even. Now, at my 35week ultrasound, the doctor thought that she weighed 5lbs 9oz. A pretty good estimate, but who knows, really.

Tomorrow I will be 37weeks 2days pregnant. What do you think her weight will be? The winner with the closest guess will be awarded Something Fabulous (that I haven’t figured out what it is yet). But you can rest assured it will be Fabulous. So whaddya say? And, in case of any “ties”, I will break it by having you all guess what TIME she will be born. Now, I know I said I’m scheduled 12pm, but we all know how these things go. I could get bumped because of an emergency or whatever. And I’m talking EXACT time. If two people guess 6lbs 2oz but one guesses 12:05 and one guesses 12:30 and she weighs 6lbs 2oz and is born at 12:25, the second person wins. Sound fair? Sound like a plan?

Let the guessing begin!

The Beginning of the End of the Beginning

This is the calm before the storm.  The small moments of quiet (eerie though they are) before the shite hits the fan.  And you know what?  I feel pretty much EXACTLY about how you’d expect I would.  Restless.  Antsy.  Unsettled.  Thoughtful.  Nervous.  Neurotic.  Perhaps this is what my dog is picking up on.  Because she WILL NOT leave me ALONE.  It was downright silly during my nap yesterday.  Where she normally sleeps under the covers down by my knees, she insisted on having her HEAD ON MY SHOULDER and if she didn’t have the absolute worst breath in all of dog-dom, I would have thought that was real cute.  Right now, even though she hates any part of her body to touch any part of Pup’s body, she is sitting on Pup (who is laying next to me in my chair) just so she can be sitting next to me. And she’s doing that goofy dog thing where they’re tired but don’t want to lay down for one reason or another (more parts of her body would have to touch more parts of Pup’s body!) but her head is dipping so low from exhaustion it’s nearly touching her toes.

Dogs are weird.

Anyhow, where was I?

Oh yes.  I have about an hour and a half here of calm.  And then I need to go to my last NST appointment.  I’ll most likely have lunch with Kile after that because that’s the easiest thing to do at that moment in time.  And then?  My mother in law will be here.  Which means I probably will not be napping today (even though I COULD NOT sleep last night and am v. v. exhausted) but will instead be going over plans and arrangements and household quirks with her.  Tonight, there will be shopping.  Hey, isn’t that what most women do the night before they give birth? (You know, other than scrub out their refrigerators.)  We need to make sure there is food in the house, after all.  After that?  Bed.  I mean, no point in staying up TOO late because I won’t be able to EAT anything after 10pm or so anyhow.  GAH.  And there’s that whole exhausted thing.  But who am I kidding?  If my eyes close anytime before midnight I’ll consider it a miracle.

I do plan to post later today, so this isn’t the last you’ll hear of me before “BABY DAY” or anything.  I’m a rabid blogger, you know, and no matter how hopped up I am at the moment, nothing could keep me from my blog.  You can take that to the bank.

Last minute musings

I’m 37 weeks along today. I had Liam at exactly 37 weeks so it almost feels a little surreal to NOT have the baby today, for some reason. But I know it’s a good thing too. Two more days count for quite a bit in “womb-land”. According to my trusty BabyCenter email, she’s the size of a Swiss chard today. If only I knew what a Swiss chard was. I’m starting to think I’m woefully uneducated in the area of fruits and vegetables because there are apparently a whole lot of them I had no idea existed.

Kile took a half day today and spent the morning cleaning Harry’s bathroom and doing dishes. Both of those are staggering tasks and I’m not entirely sure which one is “worse”. As Kile said to me as he was scrubbing out the bathroom, “This is the perfect punishment for Evie. If she ever screws up, just have her clean this bathroom. I can promise you she won’t do it again.” I fear for Harry’s future spouse. Now hopefully, we can urge him to keep it clean for the next several days.

Evie’s room just floors me. It’s so… girly! I’m not used to such a display of pink and butterflies and flowers. But I’m so happy it’s done now. That’s a huge item off my list and a large weight off my shoulders. Kile really delivered on it, I’m pretty proud of him. I did what I could to help, but I was really just “support”. I don’t think I picked up a paint roller once (though I did pick up a brush to touch up a couple spots). And I just held the wallpaper border up while he pasted it to the wall.

I feel like I’m caught in this surreal little “bubble” right now. Time is stretching out, but not necessarily slowing down. I’m having a hard time imagining my life past this weekend. I look at Liam and I can’t comprehend him not being the baby anymore. I look at the wee diapers we have here ready for her and I can’t comprehend actually using them. I’ve left all the tags on all the clothes and can’t even unwrap my diaper cakes. It’s like being caught in limbo or something.  No going back (duh), moving forward but not quite quick enough for my tastes.  I count her little kicks and pray that she keeps on kicking.  I keep thinking of little things I need to remember to do or pack or tell someone… my stomach is in knots when I think about it all.  My stomach is in knots because I’m so excited.

I also worry because that is me.  I had a great time with the spinal and the surgery last time.  Will it be as easy this time?  Will I feel anything this time?  Will the surgery make me throw up?  It didn’t before, but I know it can do that.  And how about the baby?  It was nothing short of miraculous that Liam came out of my belly squalling.  Will we be as lucky this time around?  Will they need to suction her first?  Will my heart climb up into my throat while I wait to hear that cry?  Worry, worry, worry.

But SO EXCITED.

In closing, I have to share this ad I saw on IMDB this afternoon (while looking up actor David Morse whose portrayal of George Washington on “John Adams” literally gives me goosebumps). This probably doesn’t mean anything to ANYONE other than Kile and I, but I saw this and I literally laughed out loud. This is one of Kile and I’s favorite quotes from Napoleon Dynamite. Surely we’re not the only people who have seen (over and over) and enjoyed (entirely too much) this movie. Anyhow. I think we have to have this t-shirt. I absolutely CANNOT WAIT to show it to Kile. Hmm, his birthday IS coming up…

Be prepared for A LOT of pictures

So… it’s done.  The nursery, that is.  PRAISE BE TO JEEBUS.  Good timing too, seeing as we have about exactly 48 hours before have to be at the hospital (probably less but whatever).  Tomorrow hardly counts anyhow since I’ll be gone in the morning at my last NST appointment and my mother in law will be here in the afternoon.  Talk about under the wire!  But it’s rather gorgeous, if I do say so myself.

^{The crib lacks a mattress and I just set the bumpers in there, but you get the idea.}

^{The valance was a pain in the arse to put up and those diaper cakes are just too precious to unwrap.}

^{The bedspread is in the washer still, the Boppy finally has a cover and I’m still not 100% sure about the quilt on the wall.}

^{See those letters?  I painted those mahself.}

The walls are a real pale pink above the wallpaper border and a pale taupe below.  It’s really a nice effect.  You can see the rest of the nursery pics over in my flickr photostream if you are so inclined.

In other (related) news, I got TWO packages yesterday!  One was from longtime online pal and frequent commenter Lisa.  She is just such a sweetheart and has been holding onto this beautiful cardigan for a while, wanting to give it to me.  Thank you SO MUCH, it’s just perfect.  I love the little purple flowers!  Kile, when he saw it, was equally impressed.  For he now knows the value of these adorable cardigans because Babies R Us charges a small fortune for them.  Leave it to a man to think that way.

The other package came from Miss Zoot.  Part of me had to giggle as I was opening it, because of course as we all know, she is the real father of this baby.  All joking aside, she is completely sweet and thoughtful and the adorable dresses she sent just OOZED her style (which, I’m sure you know, is a total compliment).  I don’t even think these pictures do the dresses justice because they are THAT CUTE.  I am vowing right now to put this girl in these dresses at every opportunity.  Thank goodness we go to church.  Heh.  THANK YOU, Zoot.  You rawk.

   
^{The one hat has a little bow in the back (aww!) and the yellow dress has the most adorable bow in back too.  AM DYING.}

I should be ashamed of myself. But I'm not.

I know I promised you all a pithy post.  But you DO realize that I am having a baby in less than THREE DAYS from now, right?  I don’t think “pithy” is on the menu.  It probably won’t be on the menu for quite some time (on the other hand, here in THREE DAYS I should have lots of scrumptious baby pictures to make up for my lack of pith).  So what you’re going to get instead are some of the things that are rattling around in my head right now.  Needless to say, I’m a little concerned that the rattling is due to the fact that it’s rather empty in there.  I’ve been watching way too much “Big Brother 9” (OMG, don’t tell me how it ended last night cuz I had to DVR the rest due to hanging that tarnated wallpaper border).

Speaking of TV, anyone watching “John Adams” on HBO?  We watched the first hour last night and hope to watch the other episode tonight (but “How I Met Your Mother” is on!  And “Dancing with the Stars”!  GAHHH!!) and so far am digging it v. v. much.  I think I love Abigail Adams.  She rawks.  I cannot wait to see more.  Am such a history nerd.

Reading this post of Julie’s reminded me of something.  We haven’t done a darned thing to prepare Liam for this baby.  Is that bad?  I mean, yeah, the kid is only 20 months old.  He has the attention span of a GNAT.  He is in that delicious self-obsessed toddler stage where if it doesn’t relate directly to their own amusement then it doesn’t exist.  He was slapping my belly in Home Depot yesterday, but I think that was becasue he liked the delightfully hollow noise it made and the fact that it made me giggle at his cuteness (what can I say?  I’m a sucker.).  So let me have with both barrels here, people.  Am I in for it?  Have I ruined this child and doomed him to years of expensive therapy sessions by not trying harder to prepare him for That Which Will Usurp Him?  I’m guessing it’s too late now.  I mean, even if I have caused Irreparable Harm, it’s too late to “fix” it, I’m guessing.  I think the fact that Liam is a pretty easy going sort (except when you piss him off.  Then you better watch your back, yo) will work in our favor.  I imagine our biggest challenges will come from him being annoyed and jealous that someone else is sitting on his Precious Lap and taking up his Precious Time with us.  Which will pretty much be, oh, all the time. So yeah.  Good times ahead.

In completely unrelated news, I saw this link on MamaPop and just HAD to share it with you because it made me laugh so hard I cried.  If you are a “LOST” fan (or even if you aren’t… MICHELLE!), you must check this out and love and enjoy it as much as I did.  It may have even made me forget for a second the agony I experience whenever I think about how I’ll be in the hospital on Thursday and HOW WILL THIS IMPACT MY “LOST” VIEWING??

I didn’t wear green today.  Neither did Liam.  Of course, Liam is too wee to realize that he could have pinched me for not wearing green.  And me, I could not resist his juicy thighs and neck and he was pinched thoroughly.  I’m thinking that I’ll escape a good deal of pinching today because who really wants to risk pinching an enormous pregnant woman?  That’s just ASKING FOR IT.

Speaking of enormous, what’s for dinner?  I’m suddenly starving (go figure).  I’m a little bummed we don’t have a corned beef brisket to fix up as those are yummy and delightfully Irish (plus they make good leftover sandwiches).  We’ll have to figure something out and I’m thinking it should include potatoes in some shape or form because that’s just being true to my heritage (all 1/4 of it!).

So… yeah.  Sorry about the lame post.  I’ll try harder tomorrow.

Just this side of COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED

So, we’ve got like fractions of days left here.  According to my handy countdown in the sidebar, that translates to THREE DAYS.  Which means I have TWO DAYS until my mother in law comes.  I’d like to have some things done before she gets here, even though everyone keeps telling me not to stress it.  But shoot, the poor lady should at least have clean sheets on her bed, right?  This is not an unreasonable expectation, right?  Tell me if I’m wrong.

I have an insane To Do List that keeps growing and growing… But I keep having darned back spasms which render me limp as a jellyfish and aren’t conducive at all to getting chores done.  Plus, you know, I’m big as a house and exhausted and sore…

The nursery… is not done.  But it’s close.  We need to paint that other coat yet, but the wallpaper border got put up at least and it looks awesome.  After the paint is done, the window valance goes up and the furniture gets put back in place.  Hooray!

I feel very much at odds, today. I’m restless and tired and excited and… well, you get the idea.  There is so much to do and no time to do it in.  Yet I want to just go ahead and have this baby already. I’m a contradiction in terms.

There’s so much to talk to you guys about.  I have about a million topics buzzing around in my brain.  But right now all I can focus on is a) the fact that my feed reader is backed up YET AGAIN and I’m so behind in my blog reading and b) it’s nap time and I want to go kiss the sky a little bit.

So until I’m able to return, clear out some of these blogs from the reader and pull myself back together, I’ll have to leave you with this picture I took of Beetoe last night.  She’s wearing a onesie.  18 month size, to be precise.

^{This is what I do when I’m nesting, apparently.}

So yeah. I went.

Just like we all I knew I would, I went to my appointment today.  Cuz I’m a good little robot that way.  No, I just vowed to give that one lady the evil eye if she was there (she was not).  That made me feel better about it, at least.  That and I could hear the baby’s heartbeat which is just a win-win.

So again, I got myself and the boys all ready and rounded up.  Again, I headed out on the highway (today I HAD to stop for gas because it takes about a half gallon to get anywhere out here in the sticks).  Again, I picked up Kile at work and again, we drove downtown to the doctor’s office.  But I knew fate had to be on our side today because we were able to find a parking spot on level 2 right near the elevators!  And the way this place is set up, we wouldn’t have to take a parking garage elevator at all because you can just walk over from the second floor on an elevated walkway and enter the building from there.  Bonus!

The sweet parking spot put me in a pretty good mood. The office was packed when we got there so we had to wait a little bit.  But when it was (eventually) called back, I got some good news in the form of the weigh in.  No weight gain!  WOOT!  That makes a whole month without gain and only 22 lbs to date.  So YAY me.  I did my pee thing (which, by the way, I am a TOTAL pro at) and then went back to the NST room where my darling family awaited me.  Yes, we all cram in that tiny little room and make snarky remarks about each other for a good 30-50 minutes.  It’s good times all around, people, don’t knock it till you try it.  Evie was her usual extremely cooperative self for the NST and even kicked the nurse as she was trying to get the monitors hooked up.  It was great listening to her heartbeat and with all of us there, it really felt like all of us together as a family.  As corny as that might sound.

The extra, EXTRA good news?  I didn’t have to have an internal exam.  WOO HOO!  Dodged that bullet altogether, didn’t I?  There should be some sort of award for that, I’m sure.  I asked the doctor about measuring my belly but she said she didn’t think it was necessary.  My u/s at 35 weeks showed her right on target and she figures that’s more accurate than her measurements anyhow.   I also asked some questions about getting a tubal.  She said that during the c-section they cut both tubes and then tie them off.  I know that’s not as good as burning the tubes, but she says this is the most common way of doing it.  She did mention the ectopic risk and when I told her we were thinking of getting a vasectomy for Kile to “double up” she laughed.  So I went ahead and signed the tubal consent form and she told me that I had up until I was on the table to change my mind.  But for now, all systems are GO.  Time to sterilize Marilyn!

Afterward, we were all feeling a mite peckish so we decided to have lunch at the university before sending Kile back to work.  And we had another stroke of brilliant parking luck.  We found a FREE spot right outside the dining hall!  We had a nice lunch and Liam was even able to score some chocolate milk which pleased him endlessly.   After that? It was time to head home and naps all around!  (Well, for me and Liam.  Harry played Wii.)

I have another NST scheduled for Wednesday that I don’t HAVE to go to.  My doctor said it was up to me.  I’ll probably go, but it’s nice to know that if I feel her moving around a lot and things are busy (as they are likely to be the day before a BABY IS BORN) that I can just cancel it and avoid the rigmarole.

Oooh, housekeeping note!

My comments were a little jacked yesterday and earlier today.  I’m pretty sure this has something to do with all my reinstalling and whatnot.  BUT, the good news is that I think I’ve got it all fixed.  So feel free to comment away!

Seven little days

ONE. WEEK.  One week from today we’ll be harping at Harry to finish getting ready for school and, for the love of all that’s holy, eat his breakfast already.  One week from today we will be going through my suitcase one last time, making sure I have chewing gum and my camera packed.  One week from today I’ll be getting lots of last minute loving in on Liam, showering him with hugs and kisses and trying to memorize everything about him that I’ll miss over the next four days.  One week from today we’ll be saying our goodbye’s to Harry as he gets on the school bus for the day, telling him to have fun on his field trip that day and that we’ll see him this evening when his grandparents bring him by the hospital to visit.  One week from today I’ll be watching everyone else eat breakfast and drink their coffee and tea and try to ignore the rumbling in my stomach.  One week from today, I imagine I’ll be more excited than I can handle and more than a little nervous too.

I can’t believe that it’s only one week now.  One week until The Great C-Section.   The C-Section To End All C-Sections.  The day we will meet Evelyn, the last of our children, but not the least.  Oh my dear heart, I don’t think I can take it.

So in the meantime, I’m going to try to distract myself as best as I can.  Join me, will you?

Yesterday thankfully improved, as I figured it probably would.  I took a nap after we had lunch and it’s amazing how good those naps make me feel.  And yes, I did start to realize that I would of course be going to this appointment on Friday, reluctant and annoyed as I am.  And I still am annoyed.  VERY.  But… gotta do what I gotta do, right?

After my nap, I saw this comment and it just literally made my day. I was so tickled that someone from BabyCenter had read my blog and even moreso that they were defending the whole fruit-comparison thing.  I watched the slideshow and it was interesting and almost made the whole fruit thing even MORE absurd.  But I could definitely appreciate the sentiment behind it.  Shoot, goofy as some of the fruit comparisons are, I always look for that first in my weekly development emails.  I have to see what fruit this week will bring.  We also had McDonald’s for dinner, which always makes things feel a little better somehow (yes, even though it’s McDonald’s).  I think it’s the special sauce on the Big Mac that does it.  And then I saw that P-Dub had updated her love story on her blog and nothing could make me feel more giddy than that.  Except perhaps this.  And, it should be noted, I was almost as excited to read that filming has begun on “Half-Blood Prince” than I was to learn that “Deathly Hallows” was going to be a two-parter.  It makes sense, really.  That book is far too long and far too awesome to butcher to pieces.  Am already way psyched for 2010.  To top it off, “Big Brother 9? last night delivered the awesomeness of returning James to the house.  I like James, probably more than anyone in the house (perhaps Chelseia aside), because he’s real and the rest of them are a bunch of ego-maniac nut-jobs.  I’m hoping he wins HoH.  (Don’t spoil me if you already know!)

So after a turdy begin to my day, I have to say it ended up rather pleasantly.  That’s about as much as I could ask for, right?

OMG.  ONE. WEEK.

So mad I can hardly see straight

Okay, I’m home from my “NST” and let me tell you, I’m about ready to murder someone.  This isn’t an easy week to be doing these appointments.  Harry is home on spring break, I’m not feeling good, Kile is BEYOND busy at work… but whatever.  We made it work this morning.  I picked up Kile and we all schlepped over to the doctor’s office.  Only to find out once we got there that my doctor was out today.  Now, I’m thinking, BIG DEAL.  When I was pregnant with Liam, she was with a different practice but I think she was there for maybe one or two of Liam’s NST’s.  The whole thing is mostly done by a nurse anyhow and a doctor just checks in at the end and makes sure everything looks good.  Doesn’t have to be YOUR doctor, just any doctor will do.  I can even remember one time we showed up only to find out my appointment had been an hour earlier.  But never fear, they just sent me over to the hospital to have it done there.  But today? With THESE people?  Oh no.  That wasn’t going to work.  Can you come back tomorrow?  “No,” I muttered through gritted teeth.  Friday?  “Not good either.”  Well, it’s important that you get monitored, I don’t think your doctor would like you going so long without your NST.  YA THINK??

In the end, they rescheduled me for Friday morning at 10 am.  I took the appointment card with my teeth still gritted and the lot of us trooped out of the office and all the way back to the van.  And that’s when the tears started.  They haven’t stopped yet.  I’m SO ANGRY.  I don’t want to go in on Friday.  I told Kile that I wasn’t going to go.  He said I had to.  I said that I didn’t.  I’m mad.  I’m so mad that I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been this mad.

Let’s look at some facts, shall we?  I’m in my third trimester here.  I’m a big ol’ walking hormone.  I’m probably about as unstable as it gets, emotional-wise. I’m also a planner.  I don’t like surprises.  So you take a hormonal, pregnant, planner and you change things up on her?  NOT GOING TO GO WELL.  It just completely goes against my nature.  It’s like asking me to break my own arm.  I’d rather die first.  Also, I have an unpleasant history involving a horrible loss at, oh, about the same gestational age and, oh, about the same time of year.  Putting off, even for a day, hooking me up and letting me hear that heartbeat is akin to peeling the skin from my body while I’m still alive.  I would have vastly preferred if they had just hooked me up for the NST and then had me come back on Friday to go over things and get an exam from my doctor.  Because then I could have listened to the heartbeat and KNOWN that it was all okay.  Sure, I feel her kicking in there even as I type this, but nothing is quite as soothing as listening to her heartbeat.  Now, I have to wait.  And I’m half tempted to just go into the hospital and have them hook me up there to listen rather than step foot in that office again.

Have I mentioned how angry I am??

I DO NOT want to go to this appointment on Friday.  I feel I’ll have no choice, especially if Kile has anything to say about it.  But it was already an enormous imposition for him to leave work this morning for that pointless interlude, but to ask him to do it again? Any other week would be easier but THIS WEEK is NOT.  Everyone at his job is already on edge anyhow without giving them something to harp at him about (i.e. taking off from work).

What would you guys do?  I’m sure you’ll tell me to just suck it up and go to the appointment on Friday.  Just like I’m pretty sure that after I settle down and take a nap here in a bit that I’ll feel better and know that’s the right thing to do too.  But still.  Tell me, wouldn’t you be angry too?